July 13, 2008

A Dream Deferred

Since I've started yoga teaching, I have been struggling to get some pictures of me, yanno, doing yoga. For websites, brochures, etc. It's not an easy task.

There were a bunch of photographs taken during yoga teacher training - a photographer came in during one practice, and again during an entire training day, and 100's of great pictures were taken of the class in various postures. But was there even one picture of me practcing? No. I am a vampire (according to Michael, my fellow trainee who took a bunch of pictures at a cooking class we had) - it's impossible to photograph me. I was even pulled aside to get a couple of non-candid photos, because they could not find 2-3 reasonable ones of me for the class book we assembled for our teachers.

Part of that is my consciousness of the photographer - I tend to be aware of who is taking pictures, and where, and even if I am tring really hard not to notice, I look - myhead turns, my eyes blink, my focus diverts. I also tend to have evolved some tricky psychological camoflage - as Barbara (our teacher) noted during the training, I'm pretty good at hiding in plain sight.

I remember a dinner we had years ago, with an ACOA / codependency group I was in. Two of the group members (a husband and wife, who were the hosts) had cameras and spent most of the evening taking pictures. It was pretty annoying, on a few levels: being photographed at a therapy thing, feeling like I was part of someone's attempt to fabricate evidence of a social life, feeling that the photographers were not "living in the moment". I (cruelly, mischievously, passive-aggressively) quipped "You know what Bob (our shared therapist) says about taking photographs? That you are not living in the present....." which was not true. Well partly true; he later confronted me about that, and reported he said "Well, I do believe that, but Jude has never heard me say it...."

So, me and photography - we got baggage.

In any case, I was gonna hit the fields of Central CT this morning, in my yoga duds. And practice yoga inside and around an inflating hot air balloon while my friend Kristen took some pictures. I got the 4:30 am call, jumped in the shower and donned my one set of classy yoga clothes, but a follow up call brought bad news: the wind had kicked up, and there would be no flying. Perhaps sometime soon.

So I'm sitting here in my yoga clothes, blogging, while the dogs eat breakfast and use the facilities. Then off to bed for a few more hours of sleep. I'll catch the 8:30 yoga class, and try to remain in the present. And get some pictures of me practicing yoga another time.....

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