April 28, 2009

Enlightenment Intensive V - The Afterglow

Somehow, posting about an intensive experience on the internet (or Facebook, where this post started) seems to be the epitome of irony. Or maybe its just the "everything seems funny" aspect of post-intensive experience. I was laughing out loud in Barb's core-ab class tonight (had to actively shut down the urge to giggle at every other thing she said) and I limited my urges to give her a hug and otherwise engage her delightful anotherness to before and after class. Another is entirely too interesting to focus on something as mundane as a physical practice...

On the technical side, a smallish intensive. 8 participants (6 newcomers, 2 veterans) plus two silent monitors who often sat in dyad. Staff described it afterwards as relatively quiet (not a lot of fireworks) but these things are always powerful regardless of the pyrotechnics. The facility was great - isolated, good vegetarian food (not exactly whole food / macro, but nourishing and comforting)

I'm still processing my experience (little "e") - I worked on "What is Another?" which seems to be a really difficult question. No Direct Experience for me, but a lot of clearing, and a couple of total melt-downs. I tend to go for catharsis in these things; a box (or two) of tissue has my name on it. The yearning, or desire, for direct experience seemed to trigger these drop-offs into the pit of sadness, smallness, inadequacy. In both cases, staff came and held space, helped me communicate my pain, and gently led me back to the space and the process.

Personally, I'm struggling with technique, especially on "another" - working on the Who or What of myself seems a little less convoluted, and my brain seems to treat the whole experience as a puzzle to be solved, trying to attain a direct experience via a constructed process based on past intensives and interacting with others through the enlightenment experience.

As usual, I got down as Sunday evening drew close (I tend to get pretty upset about not having a DI, and often start creating stories of how I am unsuited for this sort of work, how I am incapable of a DI, how this is my Last Intensive Ever (tm), etc.

Was speaking to Barb last night about my relative lack of physical struggle with the intensive process (headache, fatigue, back pain, etc.) and wondering what that was about. It's not like a live a particularly clean life outside of Intensive space so I would expect to be doing a fair amount of detoxing like others. I suspect I am just getting good at managing the process (knowing what to expect, knowing my needs and limitations, and taking care of myself). And perhaps I am just physiologically a little better suited to dealing with toxins (Shankara says I ought to tak to Nykki about that, she has some theories)

As I closed with Barb I noted that "I really need to take a look at Intensives - I'm getting a little too comfortable at these things (the discomfort and pressure is somewhat integral to the process) and have to figure out some way to take it to a new level" Right about that time, Shankara popped in to the studio and after taking about this intensive, suggested I consider staffing (silent monitoring) a future intensive. As usual, I barely need to open my mouth with a request and the universe places what I need at my feet.

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