That's Twice Now

A long workshop with Barbara at the studio and we end up in a long downward facing frog as a culmination of close to 3 hours of hip and shoulder work. And my body reacts predictably - convulsed in what can best be described as sobbing. I let my body have its grief, I shed a few tears myself. We have been at war for years, my body and I, and I do not begrudge my hips and pelvis for being angry, for shedding tears. I have demanded much sacrifice of them in recent years. As we make peace, there will be grief, there will be sobbing.

The second time that has happened, both times in Barbara's workshops. She wields powerful magick. Gonna take some time for me to recover. Not the comfortable but vigorous power class, nor the challenging aerobics of the hot class - this was a deep and strong and long and powerful practice. And for the first time since I started practicing at the studio, I felt present, I felt ready for one of Barbara's workshops / practices. The student is getting ready for the teacher, I think.

In other news - I have misplaced my cell phone. Might be at the studio from Kirtan. Might be in the car. Might be in my music bags and cases. Might be around the house. I dunno. Still looking for it....

And finally, we're off to see Mad Agnes tonight at Roaring Brook - a CD release party for their new work Revenants. Much joy to see them again; the last time was November 2003. A lifetime ago.

Edit: Cell phone found. It dropped out of my bag and into one of the cloth grocery bags this morning. Yeah.

En-chant-ment

Kirtan was last night. By all accounts, a success, especially consisdering it was my first time playing with the group and my first time playing in public in oh, 10 years or so. Some random observations:

* I found the kirtan soul despite being rooted into the reality of being a musician. Thankfully, my playing has entered muscle memory over the years - so with sufficient practice and familiarity with the chants, I was there in spirit. I was concerned about losing some of the spirit.

* We had some PA problems (speaker wiring and just not a lot of set-up time) so pretty much went without sound check. I would have liked to have gotten levels on both guitars.

* I had my old guitar set up open tuning for slide in one chant; in reality, I think I could have had time to retune the new guitar (especially with the built-in tuner) but we were pretty much working without a set list....and I was not really hearing the chants called out

* A switch-box to alternate guitars would have been nice. So would a small monitor or headphone to permit myself to hear myself

* Only one "surprise" - a coda to Ma Durga, left me fumbling. Apologies to ears I must have offended trying to find the third chord in the progression.

* I saw a few yoga friends in the crowd, some of whom seemed surprised to see me up front with a guitar in my hands. I suspect I'll have a few conversations about that in the coming week.

* I sat on bolsters / pillows - either cross-legged or kneeling. No serious knee or back issues but I think finding a formal seat is a good plan for the future.

* I am excited to get my old guitar tweaked up a bit - new tuners, a strap button on the neck. After playing the new guitar (smaller body) the old one sounds deep and full - and I am appreciating it a little more. If I cen get it to stay in tune - so much the better! The new guitar ALSO makes me realize how crappy the old tuners have become after 25+ years.

So yeah. Music wise - I am back. I'm happy about that.

This and That

Well, with the turn in weather yesterday, fall seems to be finally and incontroveribly upon us. The hard freeze last nigght was just what the trees needed to finally kick over, and I expect foliage peak this weekend or next.

After a month or so in storage to prevent fatique, my Ned Lamont lawnsign is back. My schedule does not really permit a lot of phone banking in the coming weeks, but I'm still on board.

MYA and I went to Real Art Ways last night to see Princesas, a spanish film about two prostitutes (one home grown, one from the dominican republic). It was really outstanding, a wonderful story about friendship and women in difficult situations, and wonderfully set to film. Hard and gritty, but wonderful.

I have a bunch of little things going on today - along the work lines. Tonight, Zippy and I are having a nice dinner, and later, Kirtan - I am excited about that. Going to run through everything one more time today, I restrung my new guitar, I tuned up my old guitar (backup). I need to add some changes and reprint my music / chords. Rumor has it that the bass player for Krisna Das is joining us tonight. This is (in chanting or kirtan circles) the equivalent of Garry Tallent sitting in with a bar band doing Burce covers. Needless to say, the guitarist is nervous.

Whoa. I just went looking. Not sure if the person joining us is "a" bass player for Krisna Das (i.e. - someone local who has played with Krisna Das along the way) or "the" bass player for Krisna Das. But if its the latter, it will be very wonderful to meet her and it kind of puts a weird and new gendered spin on my nervousness.

Kimmel Profile

Churned up by a lot of things:

* The new NBC television show Friday Night Lights
* The White House attention to School Safety
* GenderPAC
* Colin McEnroe's Blog

To quote GenderPAC:

In a (clarification mine: June 2003 article for the journal American Behavioral Scientist, entitled Adolescent Masculinity, Homophobia, and Violence: Random School Shootings, 1982-2001) Michael Kimmel, Ph.D., found that nearly all 29 school shootings that occurred between 1992 and 2001 were carried out by heterosexual male teenagers in rural "red state" communities who had been mercilessly tormented and bullied because peers perceived them as being bookish, unaggressive, and unmasculine. All were in communities that tolerated aggressive harassment to compel masculinity in boys, and all chose powerful weapons -- shotguns, assault rifles -- as weapons.

Link to this Issue on the American Behavioral Scientist website

Dr. Michael Kimmel: Speaker Website. Academic CV. Wikiepdia.

Also, online interviews: Frontline. KUED's No Safe Place.

Just stirring the pot a little. As is my wont.

America's Walk for Diabetes

Zippy and I will be walking in the America's Walk for Diabetes fund-raising event to benefit the American Diabetes Association on October 22nd. I am taking part in this event because I believe in and support the Association's mission: to prevent and cure diabetes and to improve the lives of all people affected by diabetes.

For those who do not know, Zippy has had Type 1 diabetes for over 35 years - she has not had serious complications because she takes pretty good care of herself, and she works with the really wonderful folks at the Joslin Diabete's Center in New Britain. I am completely in awe of this program - the education, support in terms of nutrition, mental health, physical health.

No pressure, but if you have a few bucks to toss at a good cause, we'll appreciate it!

More information on the American Diabetes Association, its programs and diabetes in general can be found at the Association's Web site: www.diabetes.org

For more information on America's Walk for Diabetes, please visit www.diabetes.org/walk.

Click here to visit my personal page.

Click here to view the team page for Joslin High Steppers

Thanks!

National Coming Out Day

[ X ] Transexual Woman
[ X ] Bisexual Woman
[ X ] Electrical Engineer (this last pains me most of all)

Just saying.

Tuesday Night

As usual, for me, I am going 90 MPH and taking turns on two wheels....aside from the usual running around, I trekked down to New Haven for a mentoring meeting, which was great - nice to meet the mentors from that part of the state. One good contact was Tony Ferraiolo - who has an Open Studio show coming up Oct 28-29 that I think we might try to get to.

Upcoming - tomorrow is running the Zipster back and forth to the doctors, and working in Waterbury. Thursday is MYA in the evening. Friday is Kirtan. Saturday is Mad Agnes at Roaring Brook. Probably going to sneak some yoga in there.

Please Flush

If it is the recurring theme in my life, the plot needs some work, but in three public restrooms I was in today, there were handmade signs posted reminding people to flush after use. One *might* think this sort of thing would have been handled in childhood. Grade school, maybe.

Hiya Neighbor

To the guy in the BMW with NY plates and a Ned Lamont bumper sticker, driving south on the Merritt around North Haven at 5:45 pm or so, and waving out the sun roof....the woman in the maroon Saturn says hi.

I assume my Ned Lamont sticker was the common thread that got you waving.

Weekend Update

Just a quickie. Long couple of days.

Saturday we took off for Bell Meade NJ (near Princeton) to visit Zippy's dad's ex wife T. No relation to Zippy but she is the mother of Zippy's step sibs on her dad's side. Zippy has not seen her in 10+ years, and apparently T had been hearing about me a nd wanted to meet me and see Zippy again. Lovely visit - she has a gorgeous secluded home on a small river and was really charming. Bit of a long day (3.5 hours each way, including stops for potty, gas, and food) but a nice day trip.

This morning I crewed for the balloon - we met up in Farmington (fogged in, and a field full of balloons on the autumn morning) so we sojourned to Southington. A shortish flight (ended up in Cheshire off East Johnson Avenue) but a near perfect day for the passengers. Then the traditional snackage and champagne, then breakfast in Plainville. I got back to the house around 11:30.

After a few hours of chores (and a visit from Zippy's father, saying farewell before his upcoming trip to Italy) we headed up to Northampton. Zippy went to a support group meeting (which went very well) and I hung out with an old friend Jeep. Really nice to spend time - Jeep and I go back a ways and we always catch each other at some conference or Pride or something, but never really site and talk. So, yay!

En route home we stopped at a Friendlies off Rte. 91 in MA which was godawful. Understaffed, and the food was ick - should have just got burgers. Zippy tried for the flounder (they were out, gave her some fried fish and some veggies) and I had the asian chicken salad which was basically some chopped greens, a few chunks of chicken, mandarin oranges, and almonds. None of the asian noodles, nothing interesting or creative or presented decently. Note to self: no more Friendly's. We would have done much better at the Chili's across the street or even Wendy's.

But Oh the Weekend

Will be a busy one. We head down to Princeton NJ. It's a long story, but Zippy's father's ex-wife (who is neither mother nor step-mother to Zippy) has summoned us down for a visit. OStensibly, its a birthday get together for J, Zippy's sister. But I suspect there is also a desire to meet me, to reconnect with Zippy. It should be interesting.

Odd how different our families are. Mine is more conventional - an insular family (long departed father, living mother, 4 kids, one in-law, 3 grandkids) set in the landscape of a huge rambling crowd of uncles, aunts, cousins - good catholic procreators all! So there is the small core of family I know so well, and a larger family I know less, by dint of numbers if nothing else.

Zippy, OTOH, has a rambling immediate family - with parents that divorced young, two completely independent step-families with unique personalities and character. It is informative that she has two sisters named Jenny, accurately described as Jenny A and Jenny B. And her immediate family is spread wide - Austin, Los Angeles, DC, NYC, CT. Amusingly, her families are somewhat Freudian, with her father's side being more Id, and her mother's side being more Ego. However, get past the immediate family and there is far less family - with just a few faces among cousins, aunts, uncles.

Assuming we make it back from there today, tomorrow is ballooning in the morning (weather permitting) and a trip to Northampton in the afternoon. With a visit from Zippy's father and possibly my mother (en route back from her own NJ sabbatical) in between.

In between - meditation. Maybe some self-directed yoga. Buttoning up the house (I closed the storms once so far, but we had a nice stretch there and a lot of the screens are back). And practicing for Kirtan.

Type A Yogi

I kind of took the week off, yoga wise. I mean, I went to two gentle classes, but I did not get to any of the hot / power classes I usually frequent, and I had the chance to go to some other classes and skipped those as well.

Part of that is my tweaky back (which is less tweaky each day), part of that is schedule (I've had a busy week, especially in the mornings). But I also stopped by the studio on Thursday to drop something off, and A, the studio manager and I got to talking. In between the chit chat and niceties, she dropped some wisdom in there.

She's a yogi herself, and we were talking about gentle classes and how when you get done, your clothes are dry, your water bottle full, you do not need to mop up the floor around your mat. How one chaffs at doing a few slow, deliberate and basic sun salutations instead of 5 or 10 quick ones to get the prana flowing, with increasing levels of complexity and rigor. How savasana comes as salvation at the end of a hot practice - a collapse. She see's me coming out of the hot and power classes in the morning, flushed, drenched, beaming. She recognizes the signs.....I'm hooked on the buzz, the burn of a challenging yoga practice.

And perhaps its symptomatic of my life - staying busy, moving from challenge to challenge, revelling in the joy of strength, of flexibility, of energy. This has been an interesting week; humbling. In some ways the gentle practices were fun - a class with S where he did not need to come adjust me every few postures, but a simple "Jude put your heels together" from across the room was nice as he worked with newer students. A class with C, one of my first teachers, was like coming home from college, my old bedroom, a home cooked meal, curled up on the couch, getting centered.

I worked on breath. I worked on postures and technique. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the movement. I snuggled into a practice that was less about edges and more about curves, less about challenge and more about loving myself.

So it has been a really interesting week of reflection and pause.

The Foley Factor

An article in the Hartford Courant today.

The Foley controversy is expected to be of particular benefit to one specific group of congressional candidates: the 97 Democratic women who are vying for office, including Connecticut's Diane Farrell.

Which I think is a good thing; I am sure having more women in the "old boys" club would encourage a bit healthier attitude towards all sorts of things. Including wink-wink closeted homosexuality.

Ironic that the same sort of prescription is not in store for another similarly embattled group of men.....

Kirtan at West Hartford Yoga (October 13)

KIRTAN WITH SHANKARA & FRIENDS
10.13.06 - Friday Evening 8:00 - 10:00 pm

Join us for an evening of devotional singing, chanting, and personal expression. Kirtan is part of an ancient form of yoga known as Bhakti, or the Yoga of Devotion. The meditative quality of the music promotes a joyousness of spirit. Shankara leads our group in chants and songs in Sanskrit and English, from ancient Vedic text to traditional American music. Kirtan is for everyone, the experience itself offers possibilities of personal discovery or simply, the joy of raising one's voice in song. Allow yourself the gift of making a joyous noise. It's all about the spirit and the feeling. Bring yours to share! Expect surprises and unannounced musical guests!

$5 suggested donation. No registration required.
West Hartford Yoga

Long Day Thursday

Thursday was one of those long days, where it seems like the morning was three days ago. But no, it all happened in a single day.

In the morning, I cranked out reports, making a respectable dent (throughout the day) in the backlog that piled up on Tuesday and Wednesday. Should be able to get the remainder out today. Later in the day, a sales rep from a test equipment company came calling (invited) - two of my newer clients are looking for recommendations vis a vis power analyzers, and one older one will be looking for options in the near future. Very thorough overview and I am thinking a lot of my residual resistance to this company / product, built up over years of using competitor products and having marginal experiences with units (in the field, rental, etc), is being eroded. Good on them (the new product seems well designed) and good on him (for having the patience and technical chops to sit down with me, I'm a pretty educated customer, have been working with these types of meters for 20+ years, and was jumping into the guts pretty quickly - not the usual sales call)

Broke for lunch (post office, food, meditation. Note to self: 40 minutes of meditation after a meal = nap time. Then back to the office for more report cranking out. Home for dinner - Zippy went to Cosmos International and loaded up on those Indian prepared meal packages (along with a few pounds of loose tea that she uses for iced tea) - she made a melange of turkey, cauliflower, and some very hot cashew things. Yummmers.

Then off to phone bank for the Nedster. A kind of dreary evening - I was calling in the th district (Hartford north central) and a lot of machines, no service, wrong number, or simply "(S)he's not here". Probably a pretty transient area, apartments and the like. One funny - I called a number for a "Wendy" and a perky, salesman sounding young man picked up and informed me I had the wrong number, that this was "Lieberman for Senate Headquarters" Felt like I had won the lottery (calling for Ned Lamont and all). I did not engage the enemy sir.

I did speak to two women who kind of summed up the situation on the streets of Hartford. One woman spent some time talking about schools - she's off work temporarily (heel spurs, I think), she hustled to get her daughter into a language charter school - but the board of ed, happy to bus the suburban kids in to the school from Avon or West Hartford, would not provide transport from the North End.... this woman had a lot to say - about disability, welfare, schools, transportation. She sounds like a woman trying her damnedest to provide for her kids, works hard, see's the future - but the playing field is so damned unlevel.

A second woman was disabled - we talked a bit about politics, about transportation. I noted she could use an absentee ballot and/or a ride to the polls. Methinks election day might be the only time she gets out of the house all fall.

8:00 pm - I had plowed through my list of calls and broke off - and headed home for a quick visit before heading out to Kirtan practice. Which went very well. I am excited about it all - need to find a couple of more songs online to download, and burn into my MP3 player and onto disk, need to have a couple of more marathon practices to burn the chants and the chords into my subconscious. But I think its going to work. I've played guitar for too long, the changes, the rhythms, the chords have become part of my muscle memory - so I think I'll be able to dance with the Kirtan ecstacy even from the front of the room.

Like riding a bike, I guess. I have not played in front of people for a long time. S and M were teasing me about "being a rock star" and I demurred - not going to solo or lead. I quipped "I was a rock star in my first life" (obvious meaning) but S retorted "on this planet, anyways". Funny. Yogi humor.

Friday. Yoga this morning, undecided if it will be hot or gentle. Thinking hot, I am feeling a bit healed and less fragile, but it will be a challenge (Friday being Vinyasa day / Ecstacy day. But humility is a good thing.

Saturday, we may (or may not) be heading down to Princeton NJ for an extended family thing. Sunday maybe yoga, maybe ballooning, maybe visits from Buck and my mom, and then heading up to NoHo for a support space for Zipster.....

Now, why might Zipster be finding support in Northampton?

Goetze's Caramel Creams

No particular reason. These are a childhood memory; we used to spend much of our summers at the Wisehaven Swim Club in York, PA. Mom would take us during the day. Dad would take us on weekends and after work. Life was simpler then.

Two candy memories from that era, as purchased from old pull-type vending machines:
Goetze's Caramel Creams, and Zero Candy Bars

For some reason, Caramel Creams pop up in the vending machine at work now and then, and on long afternoons like today I occasionally indulge.

Bruce Stevens - WTIC 1080 AM

DAMN. Apparently the powers that be at the off world colony appear to have sacked Bruce Stevens, 1/2 of my favorite afternoon AM radio show. (the other half was, of course, Mr. Colin McEnroe)

No official word, but the "Afternoons with Bruce and Colin" show has been changed to Afternoon Drive, and Colin has a fairly cryptic (clearly he's under a gag order) but nevertheless pretty clear to the cogniscenti post about it on his blog. I've heard Colin going solo this week, assumed Bruce was on vacation. Guess not.

Hey, I love Colin McEnroe. Not, like physically. And I've listened to him for years - and I remember his morning AM show on WTIC (10:00 am to 12:00 noon) before Dr. Laura came along and stomped it out. No such thing as too much COlin, in my book. He's pretty good alone, but he needs a straight man - someone to bounce things off of, laugh at his inanity, pick up the threads he leaves hanging. Bruce has a deep keel and keeps the ship moving along. Like the old Marx Brothers movies - the brothers were best when they were playing off something substantial - the opera, politics, higher learning. But without that foil, they are just three (well, not counting Gummo and Zeppo) ragamuffins looking for trouble.

I'm kvetching I know. Radio is by its nature a fickle medium and personalities come and go pretty regularly. Bruce is a professional, gives excellent radio, and will find a new home. And Colin will survive (although I think he'll struggle to keep the show flowing for 3 hours a day on his own, just from a personal energy perspective)

But - DAMN IT.

Locked out of the House (MD)

Not really, sitting in the dining room. However, the show House is sadly not on tonight, replaced my a baseball playoff game. I would have no idea who is even playing had I not caught Sports a Troi cest soir, avec Bruce and Colin and Kevin Nathan (I believe). I am *so* not into baseball of late. Or football. Or anything that is not UConn basketball or WNBA. And I am cranky cause House is about the only prime time television show I have connected with.

I spent most of today on the road, with MYA heading up to Boston. The lunch (sushi buffet). Then more driving. Then to the office. Then here. Then to another doctors appointment. The bank and a quick shopping trip while she was at the docs. Then home.

I meditated for a while - apparently the 40 minute session 6x a week was not simply a "first week boot camp" thing and we are supposed to do it during week #2 as well. Good enough. The 3 season porch has slowly become my retreat - with a yoga mat out there, a CD player, guitars, blankets for meditation. As meditation was wrapping tonight I thought a light dimmer would be good. And I am contemplating a space heater to make it more useable all winter......

While I was away, my IN BOX filled with reports for one of my clients. Good in that they have bene slowing down - from 30-40 billable hours per month to 12-15 or so. Bad in that I have a kind of busy week, with tomorrow filled with zapping and taking Zippy to/from the doctors, and Thursday a vendor is coming by, and the evening is more Lamont phone banking and then Kirtan practice.

Oh yeah, I bought the guitar, on Monday. In reality, its a pretty inexpensive guitar (when considering Martin's, Taylor's, Ovations, Takamine's and the like), and its only my second acoustic guitar in 25 years. But it still feels pretty indulgent. And it will be fun to actually plug in with a serious pickup for the first time in recorded history..... (well, since I stopped playing electric and bass, circa the early 80's and early 90's, respectively)

Now that I am two guitar kind of girl, I ought to take my old Ibanez in for new tuners and maybe some adjustment.....at 25 years old its got to need some attention and it might have aged into something special, all things considered.

So, about Mark Foley

Amusingly, the campaign website is gone. The official House of Representatives webpage for the congressman (usually a bombastic bit of "look at me" ism) is also gone. Only Wikipedia remains (and is, per usual, remarkably current).

What's to say. That queerish folks are hiding within the conservative movement is no secret. That repression often leads to inappropriate acting out is also not that much of a secret. (look at the Roman Catholic priest scandal) Congressman FOley had been characterized as a Republican moderate. Per Wikipedia:

Foley's stances on many social issues, such as abortion, differ from his party's leadership. Although a Roman Catholic, Foley is pro-choice (a member of The Republican Majority For Choice[9]) but has advocated alternatives such as adoption and abstinence.

Roman Catholic, huh? Imagine that.

My thoughts:

I think the scandal here will be less about one closeted, repressed, and at this point devastated gay man, and more about the way this was handled within the congress. People knew about this stuff for over a year. Other heads will roll....and on the potential list of those

- Dennis Hastert (R-Ill), who initially seemed stunned but apparently got heads-up on this back in the Spring from
- John Boehner (R-Ohio), House Majority Leader, as conformed by
- Tom Reynolds (R-NY), who learned of the issues from
- Rodney Alexander (R-LA), who sponsored one of the pages who had received the problematic communiques from Foley, and finally
- John Shimkus (R-Ill), who heads the panel that oversees the page system

Hopefully, the response to this will not be like that of the Catholic Church (blame homosexuals, conduct a witch-hunt, drive those at risk deeper into denial and repression). But I am not optimistic. I only hope this serves to take down a few more Republicans this election season.

Serves them right, gay marriage (and the defense of heterosexual marriage) arguably energized the base to propel W into the white house last time around. So it would be good karma to have repressed conservative homosexuality come home to roost.

The Vagaries of Print

Reading Colin McEnroe's last column for NE (the psuedo-sunday magazine formerly known as Northeast) today, it strikes me that the column itself is a good example of newspaper obsolescence. Obviously, his column deadline (Thursday, I think) means he wrote it unawares of the Mark Foley scandal, about to unfold, which would have fit in perfectly with his piece, entitled I've Got a Secret. And had he been blogging it, it would have been a different column. I kind of look forward to his blog comments, actually - the meta discussion that will ensure.

I'm going to miss Northeast - there was a time when I would read it cover to cover, had a pile of Merl Reagle's crosswords, cut from the magazine, which I would take along on business trips for the plane. But I also have to confess that I do not recall the last time I bought the Courant to get Northeast or NE.....I buy the Courant when I am going to have some time to read, when I want to do a little paper and ink surfing. A plane trip, a doctors waiting room, a meal alone at a restaurant, a work gig that will involve some down time. Occasions like that) But so often I get my news online (more immediate! more linked and hyperlinked!) or radio (whilst driving, usually, but also when I am doing chores or otherwise occupied).

I think if I lived alone I would subscribe to the Sunday Courant - but my clutter, the amount of ephemera generated by my life, and the disorganization, recycling, and/or disposal therof, is already a point of tension in my world. I have no need for the Courant's bulk to be adding to the weekly problem. Though a leisurely Sunday with the paper is a most sublime treat.....

Hm....this started off wanting to be a discussion of Mark Foley, and went elsewhere. I guess I'll blog about that other stuff anon.