Even though I was NOT really working with food issues during the Intensive, there was a remarkable parallel track to it all related to my mindfulness eating stuff and food in general. I actually sat down and took the time to write out some thoughts and was surprised to find quite the list of observations, awarenesses, or issues that poked above the surface over the weekend.
1) Loss of control. We had few if any choices. Eating times were fixed. Choices were limited or nonexistent. Portions were controlled.
2) We had an official tea time, snack time, and nap time. It felt very safe and protected - like kindergarten for adults.
3) Taste satiety was an issue. The cook was skilled but was not so familiar with veggie / vegan fare, so did not have the repetoire nor the spice rack to make the food enticing. High quality food, just not so flavorful at times.
4) Not sure if it was the Intensive hyper awareness or what, but the food was, at times, visually stunning. On at least one occasion I cried to see how beautiful (and bountiful) a plate of food was.
5) The quantity and quality of the food seemed to ramp up, with the first day meals and snacks being spartan, almost subsistence level, and at the end being bountiful - way too much. (portions were controlled) I wondered if this was deliberate?
6) The eating was silent / contemplative. Wonderful experience.
7) No caffeine! (I ramped down over the two weeks leading up to the Intensive)
8) Coffee deadens the taste buds. Though I am back on Decaf (having a cup right now in fact), I am aware of the trade off of taste sensation vs. the comfort of a cup of coffee.
9) At one point I became aware of suddenly starting to eat mindlessly while being aware of some tension in the facilitor ranks. A really wonderful awareness - linking tension, stress, anger, family of origin stuff to my eating issues.
10) Switching over to vegan food, my stomache was howling all weekend.
11) I had to deal with fullness awareness, by the end of the weekend the plates were so full I had to stop. Much easier to be aware of fullness in a contemplative environment (no distractions, eating slowly and thoughfully)
12) I had to throw away food (see items 5 and 11) - which was really difficult. I found myself apologising to the food, thanking it even as I threw it away.
13) There were small choices - usually breakfast (fruit or hot cereal) and snack (fruit or something crunchy) and those choices became precious.
14) We did not have to prepare the food nor worry about cleanup. A blessing, left us free to do the work. Also made me realize the "pull" of fast / easy food.
15) There was "celebration eating" with apple crisp and ice cream on Sunday night, and a traditional breakfast buffet for Monday brunch. Delightfully, I ate reasonable, maybe even small, portions, without even trying.
16) In my re-entry, one of the first things I did was remove my laptop from the dining space, and clean off the mail / ephemera / junk from the table. Thats a place for eating, for contemplation, for bonding with my partner.
17) My first night back I cooked a special dinner (along with cleaning / nesting) - was very aware of the process of cooking, the love through preparation.
18) Of course, I did do a little bit of intending towards my gut over the weekend, and themes of emptiness and hunger were omnipresent. But really, most of my stuff was not directly linked to food / eating.
Wait. Actually, my image of enlightenment was of the divine (envisioned as a large fish) eating me. Whoa. ::clonk:: this is the sound of a zen whacking stick bonking be right between the eyes.
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