One Week Out....

One week from tonight, I'll be in the middle of my first weekend of yoga teacher training. While I've been looking forward to this for many months, now that it's getting close, excitement and anticipation are being tempered with a bit of nervousness. I'm trying to put my finger on the source of this agitation.

It's not the people. I'm intimidated by Barbara (the instructor) in a sort of "I am not worthy to study with you" sort of way, but I practice with her fairly often, and she's been quite friendly, even teasing me good-naturedly this week. And the other students are not the issue either; while some of them might be hardcore yogis who can twist into pretzels, I know a good number of the other students, and I'm right in the middle in terms of experience and aptitude. A quite safe space.

I think my nervousness comes along two or three fronts. First, it's been a long time since I've been to school. 1983, really, and I was hardly a star last year of college. Since then, no formal education. So to have signed on for 200 hours of schooling, this far down the line, is fairly daunting. And really, I've never really undertaken anything but sure bets - things I was naturally good at. It's been a long time since I faced something I actually had the chance of falling short at.

And finally, next weekend is gonna be a long one - 5 hours on Friday, 9 hours on Saturday, 8 hours on Sunday. A lot of yoga. A lot of opening the mind and pouring in information. While I spend many hours on the mat, working on my muscles and connective tissue, my strength and balance and flexibility, I'm not convinced my brain is quite as supple or has the same stamina.

Yoga chitta vritti nirodha. Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind. ~Maharishi Patanjali, Yoga Sutras~

So for these fluctuations of the mind, this nervousness I'm feeling, one balm. More yoga......