Forced to Decide

If you're gonna get your heart broke, you better do it just right.... - Dar Williams, The Blessings

Senator Clinton was in town a few days ago, not too far from where I live. I opted for hot yoga that day (not a bad choice, I know others who went and could not get in to the smallish venue). I fear I am a bit jaded and cynical about celebs - I rarely get books signed, when I cross paths with the famous and near-famous in my production support gigs I try to not gush or get flustered. In many ways my life has a Zelig-like "being on the periphery of celebrity" feel to it. So meeting a Senator / former first lady / potential POTUS - yeah, whatever.

For whatever reason, Connecticut has become a battleground state. Hillary is probably coming back. Senator Obama is slated for a Monday visit. Even Senator McCain is dropping in. The primary is just a few days away. And I have no freaking idea which way I am leaning....

On the issues - coin toss. I remain jaded enough to believe that their official policy statements are highly test-marketed and crafted to hit specific demographics, and that what they actually will get done depends much more on external factors - the economy, the world, the congress. I'm sure I'll get behind whichever candidate emerges.

After spanking Mr. McEnroe for his "Barack's the guy I wanna hang out with" attitude a few days back, I feel a bit embarrassed to admit that I'm keeping an ear tuned to his schedule; and thinking I might try to go see him on Monday. He is charismatic and exciting in a lot of ways. And I don't think thats the only, or best, reason to cast my vote his way. But I have to admit, part of me wants to belief. Part of me wants to put my heart on the line, even if it's gonna get broken......

What to do, what to do? My brain says Senator Clinton. Smart cookie. I like an executive who is whip-smart, calculating even. I like the way she's dug in and won the hearts of the New Yorkers, even the upstate ones who skew a lot more moderate and conservative. And even though being First Lady is not exactly preparation for the presidency, she spent 8 years in the White House, watching, listening. She, of all people, knows what goes on at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and is ready to hit the ground running. One the debit side, her nomination will surely energize the right. She has a lot of support but she also has a lot of folks with "anyone but Hillary" attitudes. And she's the old guard - another member of the ruling elite (by dint of marriage), like Kennedy or Gore or Kerry or Bush.

Senator Obama. Yeah he's a smart guy. He's a new breed of Democrat. He is perhaps a break for business as usual, the politics of personal destruction, all that stuff. Yeah, he's young and lacks experience. So it's a bit of a roll of the dice. But for the first time since I cast my presidential vote in 1980 (Anderson, I believe), I feel like a vote for Senator Obama might just be a vote for the future, for something other than business as usual.

So, do I vote with my head, or my heart?

Thinking in Pictures - Temple Grandin

My train reading. I picked up (3) books by Ms. Grandin at Amazon....at the suggestion of our couples counselor, who compared Zippy's need for a calm, controlled living environment to Ms. Grandin's work with autism. I left the others back at the house for Zippy.

I cannot tell you how much that concept / insight has helped me so far - it made me look at Zippy's energy and needs much differently. I guess I've always seen it as different than my own needs (and probably less good) - but really its just different without a value. And instead of trying to react to Zippy, I need to kind of work with him proactively to make our shared environment and my interactions with him less abrasive, less agitating.