Sunday morning here, in the midst of a long and boring weekend. It's been pretty great end of summer weather, but Zippy and I are still sick, so we're laying low....no balloon chasing (BB is in Europe) and no yoga (cause I do not want to infect others)
We went to a wedding yesterday; Zippy's friend L from the library. It was quite lovely - an outdoor ceremony that was mostly secular (with some Jewish touches, the groom is Jewish). Probably the first wedding I have been to with Zippy, and we were outsiders. I can at least play the wedding game, having been in one, and having been at many. But Zippy was pretty uncomfortable - not drinking, not dancing. We mostly sat at the table and talked to people.
I felt a bit underdressed, partly because I have gained weight this summer and some of my nicer things were a bit snug. And partly because I opted for more casual. Live and learn. It's definitely time to lose weight; I got on the scale at the doctors on Friday and was shocked. Ugh. At least going to regular yoga keeps me feeling OK, but the recent hiatus (work travel and illness) has me feeling pretty sluglike.
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
September 09, 2007
September 03, 2007
More about a MAJOR LIFE DECISION
We've been working up to this separate bedroom thing for a while. It makes a lot of sense, in a couple of different vectors.
One theme is around noise, clutter, chaos, and disorganization. I *thrive* on it! I work with talk radio (NPR mostly, with some leftist AM thrown in when available) buzzing int he background, I am not happy unless I have multiple projects running, I am almost never one to clean up my mess before I start the next one. Every so often the chaos builds up to the point where its debilitating, and I step back and clean, organize, purge, or whatever. But mostly, I am happy bouncing from thing to thing. I described it in therapy like a scene from the Spiderman 3 trailer (not that I've seen the movie) where the webslinger jumps from one piece of falling debris to another, moving towards his goal. That's my life. Probably seems like chaos from most perspectives, but from the right point of view - poetry!
And well, Zippy is not that kind of person. The Zipster likes calm and quiet - thumping car stereos irritate. As do ice cream trucks, motorized scooters, parties that spill outdoors - pretty much the summer urban landscape. Zippy's serenity extends to the house as well - liking things neat and organized - not fanatically clean, but not chaotic or messy either. So, as we shared the master bedroom, my side of the room was a constant irritant in the Zipster's psyche. In therapy, I began to see how the regular rhythms of my life were a drumbeat of annoyance for the Zipster.
On the other side of things, we've been struggling with the intimate parts of our lives. And while we are not shutting the door on those things, I've felt spurned too often, and felt like our mutual bed was a place of animosity and rejection. I need affection and intimacy, I have not been getting it, and my seeking it is has escalated our problems. So having a separate space means I have a place to recharge and refresh where I am not feeling like crap about myself. Tack in some recent discoveries (on my part) regarding polygamy and monogamy - I've always purported to be happily polygamous, but really, I'm a lot happier in a monogamous relationship, and Zippy is in a place of discovery and change that means I get hurt (if he explores), or he is left unfulfilled (if he remains monogamous with me). And while that's not changing, its easier to protect myself with a bit more space between us.
That being said, we're roommates with privileges. So I imagine we'll share our beds from time to time....
Other minor things - Zippy needs more sleep than I do, so when I come home late or wake early I disrupt sleep. Zippy likes a blowing fan in the summer; I get back and neck aches.
And finally, as I have been setting up my room, it strikes me that I have not really had my own space in years. I moved in with the Zipster in 2000. I moved into a house fully decorated with art - so I have interjected my personal stuff in the cracks - but have not really created my own space - colors, objects, art, passions. And it need not be said that I am a very different person in 2007 than I was in 2000 when I left my house in Waterbury. So its nice to have one room that is 100% me.....where I can put up yoga posters or curtains or whatever.....
So, its not such a bad thing. I think I'm gonna be a lot less irksome to the Zipster. I think we will be able to coexist more gently with each other. And we're still a team, and still in love.....
Unconventional, we have always been. And will, I imagine, remain.....
One theme is around noise, clutter, chaos, and disorganization. I *thrive* on it! I work with talk radio (NPR mostly, with some leftist AM thrown in when available) buzzing int he background, I am not happy unless I have multiple projects running, I am almost never one to clean up my mess before I start the next one. Every so often the chaos builds up to the point where its debilitating, and I step back and clean, organize, purge, or whatever. But mostly, I am happy bouncing from thing to thing. I described it in therapy like a scene from the Spiderman 3 trailer (not that I've seen the movie) where the webslinger jumps from one piece of falling debris to another, moving towards his goal. That's my life. Probably seems like chaos from most perspectives, but from the right point of view - poetry!
And well, Zippy is not that kind of person. The Zipster likes calm and quiet - thumping car stereos irritate. As do ice cream trucks, motorized scooters, parties that spill outdoors - pretty much the summer urban landscape. Zippy's serenity extends to the house as well - liking things neat and organized - not fanatically clean, but not chaotic or messy either. So, as we shared the master bedroom, my side of the room was a constant irritant in the Zipster's psyche. In therapy, I began to see how the regular rhythms of my life were a drumbeat of annoyance for the Zipster.
On the other side of things, we've been struggling with the intimate parts of our lives. And while we are not shutting the door on those things, I've felt spurned too often, and felt like our mutual bed was a place of animosity and rejection. I need affection and intimacy, I have not been getting it, and my seeking it is has escalated our problems. So having a separate space means I have a place to recharge and refresh where I am not feeling like crap about myself. Tack in some recent discoveries (on my part) regarding polygamy and monogamy - I've always purported to be happily polygamous, but really, I'm a lot happier in a monogamous relationship, and Zippy is in a place of discovery and change that means I get hurt (if he explores), or he is left unfulfilled (if he remains monogamous with me). And while that's not changing, its easier to protect myself with a bit more space between us.
That being said, we're roommates with privileges. So I imagine we'll share our beds from time to time....
Other minor things - Zippy needs more sleep than I do, so when I come home late or wake early I disrupt sleep. Zippy likes a blowing fan in the summer; I get back and neck aches.
And finally, as I have been setting up my room, it strikes me that I have not really had my own space in years. I moved in with the Zipster in 2000. I moved into a house fully decorated with art - so I have interjected my personal stuff in the cracks - but have not really created my own space - colors, objects, art, passions. And it need not be said that I am a very different person in 2007 than I was in 2000 when I left my house in Waterbury. So its nice to have one room that is 100% me.....where I can put up yoga posters or curtains or whatever.....
So, its not such a bad thing. I think I'm gonna be a lot less irksome to the Zipster. I think we will be able to coexist more gently with each other. And we're still a team, and still in love.....
Unconventional, we have always been. And will, I imagine, remain.....
September 02, 2007
Unstuck
Big day today. Sad. Hopeful. Zippy and I have moved into separate bedrooms. We've been in the same room for 6+ years.
Not all bad, really. We've been at an impasse, relationship wise for a while now. And there have been many ongoing issues. Zippy is looking forward to having a Jude-free space (in terms of clutter and chaos), and I am realizing that it been a long time since I have had my own space. When I moved in with Zippy, the house was full of art; so I sort of filled in niches, but never had my own space.
So...a day of big change. It may be permanent, it may be temporary, or it may be a slightly different spin on what has been til now an unconventional relationship. We'll see....
Not all bad, really. We've been at an impasse, relationship wise for a while now. And there have been many ongoing issues. Zippy is looking forward to having a Jude-free space (in terms of clutter and chaos), and I am realizing that it been a long time since I have had my own space. When I moved in with Zippy, the house was full of art; so I sort of filled in niches, but never had my own space.
So...a day of big change. It may be permanent, it may be temporary, or it may be a slightly different spin on what has been til now an unconventional relationship. We'll see....
August 06, 2007
Off My Game
Just a quick hi-de-ho. I'm not dead, really. Just out of sync with life. I've been off kilter for a while; I think I trace it back to the Tias Little workshop weekend - three days of yoga got me off balance (ironic. eh?) - then I plowed into two frantic days of work and prep before heading to Falcon Ridge. Wed - Sun at the fest, and then back home for another frantic day of catch-up and unpacking.
Then Tues and Thurs off to Rhode Island for family reunion stuff with the Zipster. Puncutated by work and unpacking. I did sneak in one yoga class last Friday. I chased a balloon on Sunday.
Symptoms of being off-stride - I fell down the steps outside work on Friday - had a cup of coffee which went splat and scraped up my knee. Where did THAT come from? Tonight, I headed off to power yoga but I thought it started at 6:30 (it starts at 6:00, I got there around 6:10), and I just hate to walk into class late (note, I also hate when people walk into my class late) so I bagged it. Just as well, Barb was not teaching tonight.....I was half-way present anyway, tomorrow I'll hit one of my normal morning classes.....
Oh, and Zippy and I have been doing couples counseling, and dealing with some major stuff. So.....life is complicated. Not a lot of time or energy for recreational blogging.
Be back soon, though - I promise!
Then Tues and Thurs off to Rhode Island for family reunion stuff with the Zipster. Puncutated by work and unpacking. I did sneak in one yoga class last Friday. I chased a balloon on Sunday.
Symptoms of being off-stride - I fell down the steps outside work on Friday - had a cup of coffee which went splat and scraped up my knee. Where did THAT come from? Tonight, I headed off to power yoga but I thought it started at 6:30 (it starts at 6:00, I got there around 6:10), and I just hate to walk into class late (note, I also hate when people walk into my class late) so I bagged it. Just as well, Barb was not teaching tonight.....I was half-way present anyway, tomorrow I'll hit one of my normal morning classes.....
Oh, and Zippy and I have been doing couples counseling, and dealing with some major stuff. So.....life is complicated. Not a lot of time or energy for recreational blogging.
Be back soon, though - I promise!
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