As I slowly disassemble the infrastructure that Elo and I had built up to support our long co-habitation, I'm noticing how much space the little guy took up in my condo and in my life. Had I inquired a few weeks back I would have said "not much, he's no bother" which would have been correct. But now that I'm packing things up, going through things, I'm finding all sorts of places he just kind of moved in and took over.
The first awareness was almost comically clear - dog beds. There were two in the living room (one came over from my former partner's place, Elo's second home when I traveled or had teacher training weekends). One in the basement office; I'd move it off to the side and Elo would pull it to a better (underfoot) location where he could keep an eye on me as I worked. Another was a spare I guess, finding employment in the bedroom, on the sofa, on the back deck. I spread all four out on the deck to air out, before deciding they were too worn, too fur covered, too smelly, and too hard to launder / clean - not worth keeping or passing along. But the recovered floorspace evident in this small island of dog beds was crystal clear.
Next, a small mat where Elo's food and water bowl lived in the kitchen. It was a larger woven cotton rug for a while until that got too worn and dirty, I picked up a small placemat designed for the purpose at Target a while back. Not really much in terms of reclaimed space - the bowls lived under ceiling hung pots and vegetable basket. But still, no longer on the floor, collecting fur.
Dog food - a bag in the basement with a big scoop that I'd use to transfer the food to a smaller Rubbermaid container. A big box of Milk Bone biscuits (my final purchase was a bit optimistic, I guess). I transferred the biscuits to zip lock bags in case I find a place to donate them, broke down the box. More closet space.
A basket of dog toys, tucked under an end table. I tossed pretty much all of the plush (some pretty beaten up, some hardly touched) but kept one little black and white dog which I think was a gift when Nipsy, Elo's predecessor passed. Elo might have played with it a bit, but it's in good shape, and has moved to the bedroom as a reminder of both dogs. I set the near mint dog toys aside for donation or future use, the basket may find another use.
Leashes. So many leashes. There were two retractable leashes, used for regular walks and bathroom trips, both in rough shape from his past life as a leash biter. As I type this I realize they can be tossed. They hung from hooks affixed to the back of my door along with a little tray for poop bags and a hat with a light for evening walks. The hooks and tray can be easily removed but I might keep them for a while - handy place to hang my bag as well as the recently de rigeur reuseable grocery bags as they cycle from car to house to car. Two smaller retractable leashes, not regularly used and in much better shape, can be donated. A few other short and stout leashes - remnants from Elo's early days when he'd pull and bite at the leash and needed something shorter, stronger. And a couple of collars, in decent shape. Pass 'em along.
A set of lightweight, carpeted stairs, purchased along the way when Elo started to slow down a bit. He never actually learned how to use them, preferring to leap up and down off the high bed until the very end (and occasionally missing and falling back, terrifying us both and embarrassing him). They lived in the corner of the bedroom for a few years, I'd bring them out on occasion when he was not doing well, tripped over them for a few days of non-use, and go back to the corner. I gave them away through Facebook marketplace, guy with a Jack Russell terrier was delighted to have them.
Finally, one of those inexpensive plastic drawers on casters, repurposed from my long self employment, with stickers that read "floppy disks" and "blank floppy disks" and "random cables". It sat in my kitchen, a glass canister of dog biscuits and a Rubbermaid cereal bin of dog food on top, and in the drawers collections of poop bags, grooming supplies, nail trimmers, chew sticks, unused and long expired heartworm meds and flea/tick treatment, and some never used tennis balls, leashes, and rope chews. Emptied, vacuumed out, ready to come back to the office for it's next mission.
In its place, my kitchen garbage which has been underfoot and in the way for years, moved from corner to corner but never really finding a permanent, satisfactory home.
The one thing that I think I'm gonna keep is one of those infant safety gates, installed in the doorway of my yoga room to keep Elo out (because yoga pants are magnets for dog fur) while permitting the door to stay open in the summer for ventilation. It's been there nearly 10 years and I'm sure will leave marks when it's removed. And it has served a dual purpose: keeping Elo out, but also preventing me from turning that room into a dumping ground - it remains clean, empty (save two bookshelves, bins of yoga props, and a closet full of seasonal clothes and bedding). As I open and close it each day to do my practice, it will be a touchstone to remember that little dog, and the love and friendship he brought into my life.
It's weird, Elo has been gone less than 48 hours and I'm already deep into the "post Elo" life - doing a thorough dog fur cleaning of floors and carpets, pulling out quilts and afghans I did not want him to ruin, repurposing this found space, etc. It's not that I'm not mourning - I am. The tears come, lightly, sometimes racking and sobbing. But there's also the yogi in me: observing the attachments, the emotions, and conscious that as this being departs, with all of the commitments and complications that come with living with a dog, space is opening up. And I'm curious as to what will fill that space, what is next.
I was planning to fold into this posting some words about time and habits. But this one is long enough - I'll get to that one anon...
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