I recall a moment watching the world trade center towers falling and thinking "50,000 dead". That was my mental calculation of the number of lost souls on that horrible day based on a quick web search of the occupancy of the buildings and the timing of the attacks and subsequent collapses. And so when the lost and missing were finally tallied, and the number was well below 10% of that, there was a part of me that was kind of relieved.
I feel a little bit that way about Boston right now. It could have been worse, much worse. Not to say that the deaths are not tragic, that the injuries, so like those experienced by US troops in Iraq and Afghanistan are not horrific. But the scent of a greater tragedy averted are in the air. A person of interest was reportedly stopped at a security checkpoint, perhaps attempting to get a bomb into a more densely packed and damaging area. A Penske rental truck was turned away at a checkpoint - part of the plot or not, the security was doing its job. And the choice of targets was about as densely packed with first responders, with police and EMS waiting for the finishing runners armed with supplies, wheelchairs, and stretchers, as one could image.
I've never lived in Boston, but it is my "home town" as much as anyplace - I did the morning Red Sox game / marathon thing once in high school, I've gone to games, gone clubbing, done the tourism thing, visited yoga studios in the neighborhood of the bombing. I've worked right downtown doing freelance work, I've got friends who live in the city.
It's time to sit back and wait. The crime scene folks will find stuff - surveillance video, spectator photos and videos, pieces of the bombs exploded or no. The threads of a narrative will come together in this social media and security conscious age, and we'll know the story soon enough.
I am most disturbed by the "you messed with the wrong city" meme, knowing how easily such righteous anger can translate into jingoism, bullying, racism, xenophobia.
Remember that time we went to war with a country that had nothing to do with the terrorism attacks on our country, based on anger, stupidity and manipulation? Remember how much that war has cost us in lives, in treasure, in reputation?
Yeah, me too. Today, especially.
Showing posts with label In the News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label In the News. Show all posts
April 16, 2013
December 17, 2012
I Know the Whole Truth There is Horrible
It's everybodies worst nightmare. And my heart and thoughts go out to the families - of the lost children, the lost teachers, and everyone impacted by these murders - students, teachers, family, first responders.
But I'm not going to blog about it, editorialize, memorialize. There is enough pain in the world. I'm just sitting with it.
But I'm not going to blog about it, editorialize, memorialize. There is enough pain in the world. I'm just sitting with it.
October 12, 2012
Thanks, Obamacare
I have a high deductible, HSA based health insurance plan; it really does not pay for much. But the other day I received this letter - women's health coverage is increasing significantly. And even though I'm not going to need most of these services, getting coverage for an annual trip to the gyno is a good benefit. (Not to mention the colonoscopy that got covered 100% in the past year, also thanks to the Affordable Care Act).
But for other women, women who are in their reproductive years and considering having kids, this is great news.
Thanks, President Obama. One more reason I am voting Dem in 2012.
************************************************************
As a result of the Health Care Reform law (Jude notes - aka "Obamacare), the following preventive services are included in your plan. Preventive services are covered with no cost share when provided by a network provider. No cost share means that your deductible, coinsurance and/or copay do not apply to these services.
• Well-woman visits (this includes prenatal visits)
• Screening for gestational diabetes (diabetes during pregnancy)
• Human papillomavirus (HPV) DNA testing
• Counseling for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
• Counseling and screening for human immunodeficiency virus (HIV)
• Screening and counseling for interpersonal and domestic violence
• Breastfeeding support, supplies and counseling
• Contraceptive methods and counseling (when prescribed by a physician)
Some of these services are already benefits under your plan. These changes go into effect on January 1, 2013.
But for other women, women who are in their reproductive years and considering having kids, this is great news.
Thanks, President Obama. One more reason I am voting Dem in 2012.
************************************************************
As a result of the Health Care Reform law (Jude notes - aka "Obamacare), the following preventive services are included in your plan. Preventive services are covered with no cost share when provided by a network provider. No cost share means that your deductible, coinsurance and/or copay do not apply to these services.
• Well-woman visits (this includes prenatal visits)
• Screening for gestational diabetes (diabetes during pregnancy)
• Human papillomavirus (HPV) DNA testing
• Counseling for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
• Counseling and screening for human immunodeficiency virus (HIV)
• Screening and counseling for interpersonal and domestic violence
• Breastfeeding support, supplies and counseling
• Contraceptive methods and counseling (when prescribed by a physician)
Some of these services are already benefits under your plan. These changes go into effect on January 1, 2013.
September 18, 2012
50,000
It was a "back of the envelope" estimate of the number of dead on Sept 11, 2001. I'm an engineer, so that sort of calculation comes naturally.
I was out in Chicago that week; and watched the towers fall from the floor of the Stephens Convention Center in Rosemont, IL. Somewhere that morning I heard the total occupancy of the towers, and based on where the planes struck, the time the towers remained standing, and the number of first responders, media, and onlookers, that was the number I imagined I had just watched perish as the buildings collapsed.
A lot of things went right that day. The World Trade Center occupants and safety personnel had a test run back in 1993, and folks remembered and kept their heads. The terrorist attacks came early in the day before the offices filled. The towers stood long enough for many to escape. The buildings pancaked in on themselves, containing the damage to the World Trade Center footprint. When all was said and done, 3000 had perished - a horrific number, to be sure, but I never quite forgot my initial estimate. And so I walked away thinking "it could have been so much worse".
In the ten years since that tragic day, we've witnessed a lot of mass casualty events:
2010 Haitian Earthquake - 300,000
2008 Sichuan Earthquake - 68,000
2005 Kashmir Earthquake - 79,000
2004 Indonesian Tsunami - 230,000
Yet those things happened far away, the World Trade Center was right here - on the skyline, in our collective and recent experience, our friends and neighbors. And the attacks were not arbitrary acts of nature, of chance, of misfortune - they were deliberate, targeted acts.
Perhaps my initial calculation tempered the shock and grief, for me. I mourned the 3000 dead, but I also felt deep gratitude for the 47,000 I had imagined to be dead who remained alive. And in the subsequent years, I have carried that sense of proportion with me as I watched my government and country respond in terms of security, privacy, military actions, torture. I don't think it was wrong to seek retribution and justice. But I wish we had a more intelligent, more thoughtful, and more patient government at the time.
Revenge, as they say, is a dish best served cold. How much sweeter would it have been to track down and dispatch Osama Bin Laden had we not added nearly 6,000 dead, 40,000 wounded, to the pricetag. The terrorists could not have scripted out a better response to the attacks in terms of American costs - loss of life, loss of capital, loss of world reputation, loss of rights and freedoms, distraction from global and national issues.
So, on this 10th anniversary, I mourn the loss of those who suffered and died ten years ago. And I mourn the effects of the resulting 10 years on my country.
Not a very popular posting, I am sure.
I was out in Chicago that week; and watched the towers fall from the floor of the Stephens Convention Center in Rosemont, IL. Somewhere that morning I heard the total occupancy of the towers, and based on where the planes struck, the time the towers remained standing, and the number of first responders, media, and onlookers, that was the number I imagined I had just watched perish as the buildings collapsed.
A lot of things went right that day. The World Trade Center occupants and safety personnel had a test run back in 1993, and folks remembered and kept their heads. The terrorist attacks came early in the day before the offices filled. The towers stood long enough for many to escape. The buildings pancaked in on themselves, containing the damage to the World Trade Center footprint. When all was said and done, 3000 had perished - a horrific number, to be sure, but I never quite forgot my initial estimate. And so I walked away thinking "it could have been so much worse".
In the ten years since that tragic day, we've witnessed a lot of mass casualty events:
2010 Haitian Earthquake - 300,000
2008 Sichuan Earthquake - 68,000
2005 Kashmir Earthquake - 79,000
2004 Indonesian Tsunami - 230,000
Yet those things happened far away, the World Trade Center was right here - on the skyline, in our collective and recent experience, our friends and neighbors. And the attacks were not arbitrary acts of nature, of chance, of misfortune - they were deliberate, targeted acts.
Perhaps my initial calculation tempered the shock and grief, for me. I mourned the 3000 dead, but I also felt deep gratitude for the 47,000 I had imagined to be dead who remained alive. And in the subsequent years, I have carried that sense of proportion with me as I watched my government and country respond in terms of security, privacy, military actions, torture. I don't think it was wrong to seek retribution and justice. But I wish we had a more intelligent, more thoughtful, and more patient government at the time.
Revenge, as they say, is a dish best served cold. How much sweeter would it have been to track down and dispatch Osama Bin Laden had we not added nearly 6,000 dead, 40,000 wounded, to the pricetag. The terrorists could not have scripted out a better response to the attacks in terms of American costs - loss of life, loss of capital, loss of world reputation, loss of rights and freedoms, distraction from global and national issues.
So, on this 10th anniversary, I mourn the loss of those who suffered and died ten years ago. And I mourn the effects of the resulting 10 years on my country.
Not a very popular posting, I am sure.
I Am the 53%
Mitt Romney got caught on video a while back, at a fund-raising dinner in Tampa. Mother Jones recently released that video, and it does not reflect well on the former Massachusetts Governor.
The content itself is not all that controversial. 47% of Americans pay no income taxes, and those folks are not going to respond to Romney's sales pitch of lowering taxes. So he's going for the folks who do pay taxes. And I'm open minded enough to understand that when Romney says "[M]y job is not to worry about those people.", he's talking about getting their votes, not their lives.
But it was the surrounding opinion - wholly not needed to make a point but probably reflecting Romney's personal feelings, that are damning.
It's not the politics I find objectionable - I do not agree, and feel there is amble evidence that Romney's policies and monetary philosophy are bankrupt. But on top of all that - Romney appears to be too dumb, too inept, too incompetent to be president. Who, running for president and knowing that every moment may be caught on video or audio tape, says these things? If Romney's main claim to the office is his executive experience and competence, he's demonstrating, over and over, that he's not qualified.
OK, I'll fess up. I pay income taxes. I am self employed, I'm not wealthy by any standard. But despite my best efforts to optimize expenses and deductions, my mortgage deduction, etc. I write a check every year for Federal income tax on top of my Social Security and Medicare dues. I am, therefore, part of the 53%. And I'm voting Obama.
The content itself is not all that controversial. 47% of Americans pay no income taxes, and those folks are not going to respond to Romney's sales pitch of lowering taxes. So he's going for the folks who do pay taxes. And I'm open minded enough to understand that when Romney says "[M]y job is not to worry about those people.", he's talking about getting their votes, not their lives.
But it was the surrounding opinion - wholly not needed to make a point but probably reflecting Romney's personal feelings, that are damning.
There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what…These are people who pay no income tax.Mighty big brush you are tarring a huge swatch of the American populus there, Mr. Romney. And a lot of "those people" are your base - senior citizens, military personnel, the working poor.
"[M]y job is is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."
It's not the politics I find objectionable - I do not agree, and feel there is amble evidence that Romney's policies and monetary philosophy are bankrupt. But on top of all that - Romney appears to be too dumb, too inept, too incompetent to be president. Who, running for president and knowing that every moment may be caught on video or audio tape, says these things? If Romney's main claim to the office is his executive experience and competence, he's demonstrating, over and over, that he's not qualified.
OK, I'll fess up. I pay income taxes. I am self employed, I'm not wealthy by any standard. But despite my best efforts to optimize expenses and deductions, my mortgage deduction, etc. I write a check every year for Federal income tax on top of my Social Security and Medicare dues. I am, therefore, part of the 53%. And I'm voting Obama.
September 15, 2012
Democratic National Convention
I must admit to having fallen in love with the Obama Administration and the DNC this past month.
I watched a bit of the RNC - know your enemy, and all - and was unimpressed by the whole thing. I actually have attended the RNC back in the GWB era, in Philadelphia (I was back-up sound engineer for pseudo.com that was live streaming the convention) . Anyway, RNC was kind of bland - speakers not all that energizing, message muddled, even if I disagree I can appreciate a good show. Not happening in Tampa.
The DNC, however, had me hooked. Michelle Obama was amazing, and so many of the speakers that first night were energizing, passionate, engaged and informative. Contrast to the DNC of the past, where the party was so intent on pandering to the middle that they lost the passion of the left. It was a wonderful change, IMHO, and I ended up online Tuesday night to throw in some bucks (via Trans United for Obama) and buy some swag (a campaign kit and a shirt, neither of which has shown up yet). Then Bill Clinton on Day #2. I hang on until the end, and was entranced. I'd vote for him again.....
Finally, the president himself. Older, greyer, a little less passionate and little more careful, but still my guy.
I'm feeling good about the presidential election this year. Romney is another one of those "next in line" Republicans - I remain convinced that his religion and his moderate history in MA is keeping the red meat conservatives from getting behind him. And his pandering to the right will keep the moderates and independents away.
My two cents on the economy - I am an engineer, so it's hard not to look at the problems of the past few years as being analogous to an underdamped control system. The monetary policy and the regulatory environment resulted in the gain (especially on the housing market) as being too high - so prices rose too fast and hit the rail - and the system crashed. The present economic policy - perhaps a bit cautious and conservative, is still resulting in slow and steady growth, and a gradual recovery. The last thing we need is to return to the policies of the past, set a fire under the housing market and reignite the underdamped control loop.
Yes, unemployment is high, and that sucks. But I'll be honest - I've never been that impressed with the 9-to-5, corporate america crowd. It's my freelancer, techno-ninja history and experience perhaps (and my lean to the bone lifestyle), but it seems like a lot of the folks working in corporate america are filling out suits and holding a spot in the daily meeting. A lot of waste in the system. So not too sure those jobs are (or should) be coming back all that quickly.
I watched a bit of the RNC - know your enemy, and all - and was unimpressed by the whole thing. I actually have attended the RNC back in the GWB era, in Philadelphia (I was back-up sound engineer for pseudo.com that was live streaming the convention) . Anyway, RNC was kind of bland - speakers not all that energizing, message muddled, even if I disagree I can appreciate a good show. Not happening in Tampa.
The DNC, however, had me hooked. Michelle Obama was amazing, and so many of the speakers that first night were energizing, passionate, engaged and informative. Contrast to the DNC of the past, where the party was so intent on pandering to the middle that they lost the passion of the left. It was a wonderful change, IMHO, and I ended up online Tuesday night to throw in some bucks (via Trans United for Obama) and buy some swag (a campaign kit and a shirt, neither of which has shown up yet). Then Bill Clinton on Day #2. I hang on until the end, and was entranced. I'd vote for him again.....
Finally, the president himself. Older, greyer, a little less passionate and little more careful, but still my guy.
I'm feeling good about the presidential election this year. Romney is another one of those "next in line" Republicans - I remain convinced that his religion and his moderate history in MA is keeping the red meat conservatives from getting behind him. And his pandering to the right will keep the moderates and independents away.
My two cents on the economy - I am an engineer, so it's hard not to look at the problems of the past few years as being analogous to an underdamped control system. The monetary policy and the regulatory environment resulted in the gain (especially on the housing market) as being too high - so prices rose too fast and hit the rail - and the system crashed. The present economic policy - perhaps a bit cautious and conservative, is still resulting in slow and steady growth, and a gradual recovery. The last thing we need is to return to the policies of the past, set a fire under the housing market and reignite the underdamped control loop.
Yes, unemployment is high, and that sucks. But I'll be honest - I've never been that impressed with the 9-to-5, corporate america crowd. It's my freelancer, techno-ninja history and experience perhaps (and my lean to the bone lifestyle), but it seems like a lot of the folks working in corporate america are filling out suits and holding a spot in the daily meeting. A lot of waste in the system. So not too sure those jobs are (or should) be coming back all that quickly.
November 07, 2011
A Long, Cold, Dark, and Wasted Week
I lost power here in New Britain for most of the past week. Power went out early in the storm (Saturday afternoon, around 4 pm) and returned Friday evening around 5 pm. Here's a brief synopsis.
As soon as power went out, I ran out to find some propane canisters - I've stopped bringing the stove and lantern to my folk fest so I was out - and was able to pick up a couple. I also had (coincidentally) gotten a full tank of gas the day before, which helped a lot in the first few days.
At first, I was fairly well situated. I have a bunch of camping lanterns (LED based, they go forever) and a propane stove. My house is all electric, but the hot water tank held up for a few days. And although the house got cold, I opened up the blinds during the day to solar heat, and had a bed dog. So all in all, not so bad. I was able to make my morning coffee and oatmeal on the propane stove, cooked a few simple meals, and got the rest to go. The yoga studio had power through Tuesday morning, so I grabbed showers on Sunday - Tuesday when I was there to work, practice, or teach. On Sunday, I cleaned out the fridge - tossed a lot, and put the rest on ice / snow in the cooler on the back porch. It kept cold fine all week. And at least I got the fridge cleaned out.
Of course I had my iPhone, and the networks stayed up, so I was able to communicate, commiserate, and see everyone's struggles via Facebook. Definitely a 2011 spin on the "great power outage" - back in the day we'd only have newspaper and radio....
Nights were pretty cold but with an extra blanket and a warm dog, I was fine. And WNPR was my savior - I had no battery powered radio, but I cobbled together an old AM/FM armband thing I used to use when I roller bladed with a battery powered speaker I use for my iPod - and had plenty of radio all week. I'm going to invest in a couple of small battery powered radios when all this is over...
Tuesday morning, the yoga studio lost power. And that evening, something snapped. I realized I was falling behind on work, my main client was getting antsy, so I packed my desktop into my car and took Elo up to MA to visit grandma (who had power and internet). I stayed up there two nights - getting caught up on work, taking a few warm showers, and taking care of a lot of mom's little chores (programming two remotes, installing her casino software on her new computer, flipping her mattress, etc.)
I came back Thursday - my ex Zippy got power back so I assumed I was not far behind, but alas, no. So I set my office back up in the dark, and hunkered down. Thursday night slept at home. Went out to balloon Friday morning (too windy) but we did watch the Farmington fired department roll past in force en route to an apartment fire near Brickyard Road. But when my CL&P "power restore" time came and went (Friday morning, 8:30 am) I decided to punt once again; packing up Elo to stay with Zippy Friday night. I ended up working off my room and board by lopping, chopping, and chainsawing a large tree branch that came down in his yard.
When I got back to the condo Saturday morning, power (and cable) was back, judging from the thermostat timers it was restored Friday night at 5:00 pm. The weekend was busy (balloon chasing, tree cleanup, hiking) so I'm really just getting my life back together now.
West Hartford Yoga remained without power as of yesterday - I teach 2x today so we'll see if there is power this morning. But slowly, life is getting back to normal.
As soon as power went out, I ran out to find some propane canisters - I've stopped bringing the stove and lantern to my folk fest so I was out - and was able to pick up a couple. I also had (coincidentally) gotten a full tank of gas the day before, which helped a lot in the first few days.
At first, I was fairly well situated. I have a bunch of camping lanterns (LED based, they go forever) and a propane stove. My house is all electric, but the hot water tank held up for a few days. And although the house got cold, I opened up the blinds during the day to solar heat, and had a bed dog. So all in all, not so bad. I was able to make my morning coffee and oatmeal on the propane stove, cooked a few simple meals, and got the rest to go. The yoga studio had power through Tuesday morning, so I grabbed showers on Sunday - Tuesday when I was there to work, practice, or teach. On Sunday, I cleaned out the fridge - tossed a lot, and put the rest on ice / snow in the cooler on the back porch. It kept cold fine all week. And at least I got the fridge cleaned out.
Of course I had my iPhone, and the networks stayed up, so I was able to communicate, commiserate, and see everyone's struggles via Facebook. Definitely a 2011 spin on the "great power outage" - back in the day we'd only have newspaper and radio....
Nights were pretty cold but with an extra blanket and a warm dog, I was fine. And WNPR was my savior - I had no battery powered radio, but I cobbled together an old AM/FM armband thing I used to use when I roller bladed with a battery powered speaker I use for my iPod - and had plenty of radio all week. I'm going to invest in a couple of small battery powered radios when all this is over...
Tuesday morning, the yoga studio lost power. And that evening, something snapped. I realized I was falling behind on work, my main client was getting antsy, so I packed my desktop into my car and took Elo up to MA to visit grandma (who had power and internet). I stayed up there two nights - getting caught up on work, taking a few warm showers, and taking care of a lot of mom's little chores (programming two remotes, installing her casino software on her new computer, flipping her mattress, etc.)
I came back Thursday - my ex Zippy got power back so I assumed I was not far behind, but alas, no. So I set my office back up in the dark, and hunkered down. Thursday night slept at home. Went out to balloon Friday morning (too windy) but we did watch the Farmington fired department roll past in force en route to an apartment fire near Brickyard Road. But when my CL&P "power restore" time came and went (Friday morning, 8:30 am) I decided to punt once again; packing up Elo to stay with Zippy Friday night. I ended up working off my room and board by lopping, chopping, and chainsawing a large tree branch that came down in his yard.
When I got back to the condo Saturday morning, power (and cable) was back, judging from the thermostat timers it was restored Friday night at 5:00 pm. The weekend was busy (balloon chasing, tree cleanup, hiking) so I'm really just getting my life back together now.
West Hartford Yoga remained without power as of yesterday - I teach 2x today so we'll see if there is power this morning. But slowly, life is getting back to normal.
October 06, 2011
RIP Steve Jobs
In retrospect, not a surprise. Steve's fight with cancer has been much discussed, and his step back from Apple was as much a portent as anything. But still, a bit of a shock and some unexpected sadness as I learned the news last night, while poking around Facebook on my iPad.
I'm an apple-come-lately kind of girl myself. As a techie I've been PC savvy since the early days - cutting my teeth on an HP workstation (something like a glorified calculator with a full keyboard, tiny CRT, and HP-Basic), then graduating to office PCs. I've dabbled in CP/M. But mostly I've grown up along the IBM / DOS / PC / Windows channel because so much of my professional software and applications were PC-only.
Also, as a notorious skinflint, a MAC was just never within reach.
As a musician, one might think that the iPod might have caught my attention. But I've never been much of an earbud person, preferring live music, the car (where CDs are perfectly serviceable) and the home as listening environments, and NPR to music most of the time anyway.
That all changed with the iPhone. I was charmed by the original iPhone but it was still a bit pricey. When the iPod Touch came out, however, I bit. My love affair was short-lived; I left the touch on the back of a vehicle while ballooning and drove off; it was never found. But I was hooked, and it was not long before I traded up to an iPhone 3G.
And last spring, as I turned to corner at 50, I treated myself to an iPad which has remained a favorite tool/toy.
Steve was my generation, my people. The Apple II came out when I was in college, a few of the more well off and geekier engineering students had them in the dorm. I remember marveling at early versions of flight simulator. Steve and Woz and Apple were protoypes of what an engineer could do with his/her life. So to lose him, relatively young and inordinantly privileged, demonstrates that we are all slaves to time and the capriciousness of health and vitality; technology, health care, none of it can save us.
Thanks for the tools and the toys, Steve. Thanks for the changes your visions have wrought on this world. Hopefully you've planted enough seeds and infected enough of us to carry your work into the future.
I'm an apple-come-lately kind of girl myself. As a techie I've been PC savvy since the early days - cutting my teeth on an HP workstation (something like a glorified calculator with a full keyboard, tiny CRT, and HP-Basic), then graduating to office PCs. I've dabbled in CP/M. But mostly I've grown up along the IBM / DOS / PC / Windows channel because so much of my professional software and applications were PC-only.
Also, as a notorious skinflint, a MAC was just never within reach.
As a musician, one might think that the iPod might have caught my attention. But I've never been much of an earbud person, preferring live music, the car (where CDs are perfectly serviceable) and the home as listening environments, and NPR to music most of the time anyway.
That all changed with the iPhone. I was charmed by the original iPhone but it was still a bit pricey. When the iPod Touch came out, however, I bit. My love affair was short-lived; I left the touch on the back of a vehicle while ballooning and drove off; it was never found. But I was hooked, and it was not long before I traded up to an iPhone 3G.
And last spring, as I turned to corner at 50, I treated myself to an iPad which has remained a favorite tool/toy.
Steve was my generation, my people. The Apple II came out when I was in college, a few of the more well off and geekier engineering students had them in the dorm. I remember marveling at early versions of flight simulator. Steve and Woz and Apple were protoypes of what an engineer could do with his/her life. So to lose him, relatively young and inordinantly privileged, demonstrates that we are all slaves to time and the capriciousness of health and vitality; technology, health care, none of it can save us.
Thanks for the tools and the toys, Steve. Thanks for the changes your visions have wrought on this world. Hopefully you've planted enough seeds and infected enough of us to carry your work into the future.
September 11, 2011
Ten Years Ago
My previous post was a macro post - the big picture, so to speak. Drilling down to the personal, to my life ten years ago.
I was out in the Chicago area on Sept 11, 2001 for an industry conference out by the airport. Not sure if I flew out early that morning or the night before; I was safely on the ground in a rental car when the first tower was hit, I was listening to the local NPR affiliate. I was running out to an office supply store or pharmacy to pick up a cell phone charger, where the news was buzzing - I called my pilot friend Robert as I heard the news, "turn on CNN, some moron flew into the World Trade Center". Thinking it was a small private plane and nothing more than an accident, I imagined he'd be interested. As we talked, he conveyed to me "that was a lot bigger than a Cessna"; we made have been on the phone when the second plane hit, and he clicked off to call his brother who was employed on Wall Street.
Still unaware of the magnitude of things, I continued to my trade show; the conference quickly faded as we gathered around a few television sets to watch the unbelievable news. By lunchtime, it was clear that we were living in a different world; I returned to my hotel room. I remember hearing rumors that the Sears Tower or Hancock Tower in Chicago had been targeted; I remember looking up cautiously at each plane that flew overhead inbound to O'Hare.
I ended up stranded in Chicago for most of the week - waiting for airports to open. I withdrew from industry peers; spending time online, calling friends and family, watching the news in my hotel room, fretting about the cost of the hotel. Finally, I sought out a local gay bar, "Temptations" in Franklin Park which is now closed, where I sat at the bar and watched the news with a handful of locals - just seeking human contact. A couple of days later, I gave up waiting for the airports to open, and set out for home in my rental car, figuring it was easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. It took me two days to get home; I made a big loop around the city. I am sure the rental car agencies had a couple of months spent untangling the mess of relocated cars from that week.
In hindsight, that week was a turning point for me personally. Although I had yet to admit it to myself, I was mid-transition between genders - still legally and working as a male, but looking much more female. Yet I had not really mapped out a formal transition plan; I was freelancing, playing it by ear. Years later, one of my clients who was also at the conference reported being asked "Why is that woman (me) wearing a man's suit?". And though I had not packed for clubbing or venturing out, a pair of jeans and a tee shirt were sufficient to put me in the female category over at the bar that week.
In the aftermath of the attacks, my annual trade show trip to Chicago (November 2001) was cancelled, and business / business travel dried up significantly. So I was able to spend the next 12 months holed up in my consulting office, working remotely, mostly out of sight of my clients and customers. A year later, in the fall of 2002, I begged out of the trade show again - because my affect was clearly too feminine to pass as male. I realized that, although I feared the impact of transitioning on my career and livelihood, not transitioning was having the same affect. So I rather quickly set a transition date (January 1, 2003), and continued to stay out of sight, not wanting to reinforce my male gender that close to transition.
This time I told my main client what was up; they had me out to their west coast facility in January 2003 to do some training as the new me. It was, in retrospect, a very kind and generous gift to my insecure self; their "nothing to see here, move along" attitude set a positive tone for almost all of my clients.
I know that a lot of folks had post 9-11 career or life crises. Many trans persons decided to find a support group, seek counseling, etc. That was not the case with me; I had been on this path for a good decade prior to 2001. But in some ways, the terrorist attacks of 2001 opened the doorway for me to take the steps I needed to take. The post 9-11 slowdown made my transition a lot less complicated and a lot more inevitable.
I was out in the Chicago area on Sept 11, 2001 for an industry conference out by the airport. Not sure if I flew out early that morning or the night before; I was safely on the ground in a rental car when the first tower was hit, I was listening to the local NPR affiliate. I was running out to an office supply store or pharmacy to pick up a cell phone charger, where the news was buzzing - I called my pilot friend Robert as I heard the news, "turn on CNN, some moron flew into the World Trade Center". Thinking it was a small private plane and nothing more than an accident, I imagined he'd be interested. As we talked, he conveyed to me "that was a lot bigger than a Cessna"; we made have been on the phone when the second plane hit, and he clicked off to call his brother who was employed on Wall Street.
Still unaware of the magnitude of things, I continued to my trade show; the conference quickly faded as we gathered around a few television sets to watch the unbelievable news. By lunchtime, it was clear that we were living in a different world; I returned to my hotel room. I remember hearing rumors that the Sears Tower or Hancock Tower in Chicago had been targeted; I remember looking up cautiously at each plane that flew overhead inbound to O'Hare.
I ended up stranded in Chicago for most of the week - waiting for airports to open. I withdrew from industry peers; spending time online, calling friends and family, watching the news in my hotel room, fretting about the cost of the hotel. Finally, I sought out a local gay bar, "Temptations" in Franklin Park which is now closed, where I sat at the bar and watched the news with a handful of locals - just seeking human contact. A couple of days later, I gave up waiting for the airports to open, and set out for home in my rental car, figuring it was easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. It took me two days to get home; I made a big loop around the city. I am sure the rental car agencies had a couple of months spent untangling the mess of relocated cars from that week.
In hindsight, that week was a turning point for me personally. Although I had yet to admit it to myself, I was mid-transition between genders - still legally and working as a male, but looking much more female. Yet I had not really mapped out a formal transition plan; I was freelancing, playing it by ear. Years later, one of my clients who was also at the conference reported being asked "Why is that woman (me) wearing a man's suit?". And though I had not packed for clubbing or venturing out, a pair of jeans and a tee shirt were sufficient to put me in the female category over at the bar that week.
In the aftermath of the attacks, my annual trade show trip to Chicago (November 2001) was cancelled, and business / business travel dried up significantly. So I was able to spend the next 12 months holed up in my consulting office, working remotely, mostly out of sight of my clients and customers. A year later, in the fall of 2002, I begged out of the trade show again - because my affect was clearly too feminine to pass as male. I realized that, although I feared the impact of transitioning on my career and livelihood, not transitioning was having the same affect. So I rather quickly set a transition date (January 1, 2003), and continued to stay out of sight, not wanting to reinforce my male gender that close to transition.
This time I told my main client what was up; they had me out to their west coast facility in January 2003 to do some training as the new me. It was, in retrospect, a very kind and generous gift to my insecure self; their "nothing to see here, move along" attitude set a positive tone for almost all of my clients.
I know that a lot of folks had post 9-11 career or life crises. Many trans persons decided to find a support group, seek counseling, etc. That was not the case with me; I had been on this path for a good decade prior to 2001. But in some ways, the terrorist attacks of 2001 opened the doorway for me to take the steps I needed to take. The post 9-11 slowdown made my transition a lot less complicated and a lot more inevitable.
July 14, 2011
On the Sidelines
I just pulled my retirement account out of the stock market until this debt ceiling thing gets resolved. The media drumbeat, the Moody's rating, it's all getting a little worrisome, and I'm going to be off the grid for the next few weeks. If the Tea Partiers' antics crash the stock market I am gonna at least get back in at the bottom.....
I'm usually a "ride it out, long term investment" kind of gal, but when one is a fanatic / zealot, one will (for example) strap-on an explosive vest and wander into a busy marketplace. Part of me thinks these bozos would love to take the economy down just to hurt Obama's chances in 2012.
The Dow is at 12,491.61, the NASDAQ is at 2,796.92. Let's see where things are 2-3 weeks from now...
I'm usually a "ride it out, long term investment" kind of gal, but when one is a fanatic / zealot, one will (for example) strap-on an explosive vest and wander into a busy marketplace. Part of me thinks these bozos would love to take the economy down just to hurt Obama's chances in 2012.
The Dow is at 12,491.61, the NASDAQ is at 2,796.92. Let's see where things are 2-3 weeks from now...
May 23, 2011
Rapture Redux
My favorite post-rapture quip: "Oh, the rapture happened. It's just that nobody qualified."
But seriously folks, last night's horrific tornado in Joplin, MO, piled atop the Mississippi River flooding and the spate of tornadoes in Alabama and across the south last month have an end-times feel to them, no? But alas, no divine explanation needed. Fairly well predicted side-effects of global warming.
But seriously folks, last night's horrific tornado in Joplin, MO, piled atop the Mississippi River flooding and the spate of tornadoes in Alabama and across the south last month have an end-times feel to them, no? But alas, no divine explanation needed. Fairly well predicted side-effects of global warming.
May 22, 2011
The Big Uneasy
Went to see The Big Uneasy last night at Real Art Ways. It's a documentary by Harry Shearer, about the post-Katrina flooding of New Orleans and the impact of levee / flood control design by the Army Corps of Engineers on that. It's a story of whistle-blowers, Don Quixote-like professors, and "are they really dumb enough to let themselves be on camera spouting this stuff?" representatives of the Army Corps.
Harry Shearer is mining the same sort of ground that Michael Moore has carved out with his documentaries. But Shearer is calmly earnest, and brings none of the bombast, hyperbole, or cinematic stunts to bear that Moore's later works have come to rely on. I'm recalling that scene in Bowling for Columbine where Moore confronts an aging Charleston Heston, kind of left me feeling a bit dirty. There is none of that here. Perhaps Moore's first big work, Roger & Me, brought the same level of personal involvement that Shearer brings as he documents the issues with his hometown.
I really liked the graphic overview (via map) of how the levee failures flooded New Orleans; was the first time I understood both the geography of the city as well as the pernicious nature of the failures (my mainstream media advised understanding was that there was one or two levee failures. And I've never really understood how the Mississippi River - Gulf Outlet canal, or MR-GO, contributed to both the flooding of the city or to the loss of wetlands / habitat.
The "Ask a New Orleanian" segments, hosted by John Goodman, were good, although I would have liked to have seen a bit more depth / diversity (it seems to have been filmed at a single sit-down with five fairly well-off residents, would have liked a few roving crew interview bits)
Mostly, I was left shaking my head, and a little pissed. I've had my own brushes with the Army Corps (a long time ago in a galaxy far far away) and I'd have to agree with one of the comments in the film that the Army Corps have stopped engineering in favor of project management. There does not seem to be a big picture design concept at work here. http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
The interview segments with the three protaganists: Ivor van Heerden, director of a hurricane research center at LSU, Robert Bea, a civil engineer at U. Cal Berkeley, and Maria Garzino, an engineer from the Army Corps of Engineers - were the most powerful. All three have paid a heavy toll for simply wanting to get at the truth and butting heads with the federal juggernaut that seems equal parts stupid, bull-headed, and evil.
The Army Corps representatives were conversely pretty frustrating - sprouting the company line, looking at the narrow scope of their particular project or issue, and not really wanting, able, or permitted to step back to see the larger picture.
Great documentary - go see it!
P.S. - Also, the film website's Resources page has some incredible reports and documents supporting the film. Engineering Pron.
Harry Shearer is mining the same sort of ground that Michael Moore has carved out with his documentaries. But Shearer is calmly earnest, and brings none of the bombast, hyperbole, or cinematic stunts to bear that Moore's later works have come to rely on. I'm recalling that scene in Bowling for Columbine where Moore confronts an aging Charleston Heston, kind of left me feeling a bit dirty. There is none of that here. Perhaps Moore's first big work, Roger & Me, brought the same level of personal involvement that Shearer brings as he documents the issues with his hometown.
I really liked the graphic overview (via map) of how the levee failures flooded New Orleans; was the first time I understood both the geography of the city as well as the pernicious nature of the failures (my mainstream media advised understanding was that there was one or two levee failures. And I've never really understood how the Mississippi River - Gulf Outlet canal, or MR-GO, contributed to both the flooding of the city or to the loss of wetlands / habitat.
The "Ask a New Orleanian" segments, hosted by John Goodman, were good, although I would have liked to have seen a bit more depth / diversity (it seems to have been filmed at a single sit-down with five fairly well-off residents, would have liked a few roving crew interview bits)
Mostly, I was left shaking my head, and a little pissed. I've had my own brushes with the Army Corps (a long time ago in a galaxy far far away) and I'd have to agree with one of the comments in the film that the Army Corps have stopped engineering in favor of project management. There does not seem to be a big picture design concept at work here. http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
The interview segments with the three protaganists: Ivor van Heerden, director of a hurricane research center at LSU, Robert Bea, a civil engineer at U. Cal Berkeley, and Maria Garzino, an engineer from the Army Corps of Engineers - were the most powerful. All three have paid a heavy toll for simply wanting to get at the truth and butting heads with the federal juggernaut that seems equal parts stupid, bull-headed, and evil.
The Army Corps representatives were conversely pretty frustrating - sprouting the company line, looking at the narrow scope of their particular project or issue, and not really wanting, able, or permitted to step back to see the larger picture.
Great documentary - go see it!
P.S. - Also, the film website's Resources page has some incredible reports and documents supporting the film. Engineering Pron.
April 27, 2011
Melancholy Odyssey Through Limbo
Maureen Dowd in yesterday's New York Times - Between Torment and Happiness
In it she recounts the rather horrific story of Chrissy Lee Polis's attack in a Maryland McDonald's by two young women, presumably for being read as trans. And folds in some observations about Renee Richards.
Why Dowd but A & B together is something of a mystery, perhaps best explained by this "In the mid-1970s, when I covered tennis..."
Renee Richards is perhaps her best, most direct, or only cultural reference to transgenderism, and part of being that sort of columnist is to reach across the years and ones experience and create deep, meaningful linkages. Or not, in this case. Does not work from an informed trans perspective but perhaps it plays in Peoria.
Also, Chrissy Lee Polis' mom is named Renee. So perhaps she just glommed onto these two stories bubbling up in the media (Richards' book, Polis' attack) and tried to make something out of them. Fail, IMHO.
This kind of reinforces one of my long held opinions - that the folks who truly transition happily, healthily, and well (assuming they are out there) are not the ones who are going to write the autobiographies for fear of damaging the good life that they have found or find their own journeys somewhat pedestrian and ordinary. Instead its the folks who are still in pain, or who crave the spotlight, who write such books. Giving Maureen Dowd (and society in general) the fodder to recount such loving phrases as:
"...at a place in between torment and happiness...."
"...melancholy odyssey through limbo..."
"...something that’s crazy and freakish and not real..."
Just want to report from a bunch of years down the track that this is not everyone's experience.
And.....invisibility cloak back on. Continue as you were. Nothing to see here ;)
In it she recounts the rather horrific story of Chrissy Lee Polis's attack in a Maryland McDonald's by two young women, presumably for being read as trans. And folds in some observations about Renee Richards.
Why Dowd but A & B together is something of a mystery, perhaps best explained by this "In the mid-1970s, when I covered tennis..."
Renee Richards is perhaps her best, most direct, or only cultural reference to transgenderism, and part of being that sort of columnist is to reach across the years and ones experience and create deep, meaningful linkages. Or not, in this case. Does not work from an informed trans perspective but perhaps it plays in Peoria.
Also, Chrissy Lee Polis' mom is named Renee. So perhaps she just glommed onto these two stories bubbling up in the media (Richards' book, Polis' attack) and tried to make something out of them. Fail, IMHO.
This kind of reinforces one of my long held opinions - that the folks who truly transition happily, healthily, and well (assuming they are out there) are not the ones who are going to write the autobiographies for fear of damaging the good life that they have found or find their own journeys somewhat pedestrian and ordinary. Instead its the folks who are still in pain, or who crave the spotlight, who write such books. Giving Maureen Dowd (and society in general) the fodder to recount such loving phrases as:
"...at a place in between torment and happiness...."
"...melancholy odyssey through limbo..."
"...something that’s crazy and freakish and not real..."
Just want to report from a bunch of years down the track that this is not everyone's experience.
And.....invisibility cloak back on. Continue as you were. Nothing to see here ;)
April 13, 2011
Sad Story with Resonances
Mother Drives Herself, 4 Children Into Hudson River, Killing All Except For 10-Year-Old Boy
Weird Sidelight: Mother was identified as 25-year-old Lashandra Armstrong, childrem were identified as 5-year-old Landen Pierce, 2-year-old Lance Pierre, and 11-month-old Lainaina Pierre. The surviving child was 10-year-old Lashaun. Think she liked "L" names? I wonder how common this sort of alliterative naming is?
What 25 year old has the life skills to deal with 4 kids alone? At 25, she had her 10 year old at the age of 14 or 15. In light of this sort of tragedy, congresses effort to defund Planned Parenthood seems particularly tragic. 14 year olds are too young to be having kids, IMHO.
My heart goes out to 10-year-old Lashaun. He had a different father than his siblings; I wonder if his dad is still in the picture? Abandonment, loss of his mom and siblings, and hid mom tried to kill him....poor little guy.
Weird Sidelight: Mother was identified as 25-year-old Lashandra Armstrong, childrem were identified as 5-year-old Landen Pierce, 2-year-old Lance Pierre, and 11-month-old Lainaina Pierre. The surviving child was 10-year-old Lashaun. Think she liked "L" names? I wonder how common this sort of alliterative naming is?
What 25 year old has the life skills to deal with 4 kids alone? At 25, she had her 10 year old at the age of 14 or 15. In light of this sort of tragedy, congresses effort to defund Planned Parenthood seems particularly tragic. 14 year olds are too young to be having kids, IMHO.
My heart goes out to 10-year-old Lashaun. He had a different father than his siblings; I wonder if his dad is still in the picture? Abandonment, loss of his mom and siblings, and hid mom tried to kill him....poor little guy.
December 10, 2010
The Only Thing We Have to Fear.....
I'm going to break one of the cardinal rules of this blog.....
A young transwoman killed herself recently. You can see a video from the local ABC affiliate here, and read a news story posted on a local news radio site, here.
The flavor of the month, from the GLBT community, is bullies, and this story drops right in there. I posted a few things on Helen Boyd's message board, My Husband Betty, and this has gotten me torqued up enough to repost out here in public, which I usually avoid, ironically because I fear a different sort of bullying, coming from within the queer blogosphere.
*******************************************************************************************
I watched the video. And nowhere in there did it say that Chloe was actually, you know, bullied. Over and over, the refrain was repeated....she FEARED being bullied.
"Overall, her peers accepted her for who she was....but she was still terrified of being bullied for coming out."
"She struggled with fears of harassment and abuse."
"Who wants to see a young man walking down the street with a dress on.....in his eyes that was the worse fear...."
"Her family said Chloe's death mirrors that of other teens who have committed suicide due to bullying...."
And some wisdom from step-dad "...that's what we are creating as a society, we are creating this incredible cloud of fear for these individuals..."
And going back to the print article:
"And while he wasn't outright bullied, Murphy says the pressure to fit into society grew increasingly heavy for Justin."
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself - apparently.
Look, I get bullying. I was not out as trans, but I was the smart kid, the nerdy kid, the unathletic kid who lived in fear for most of my youth. Fear in my case meant occasional incontinence - so you can imagine how popular I was when I was young. I guess I had the wrong roles models; it never entered my mind to kill myself. Or maybe I grew up so marginalized and used to being on the fringes that gender transition was not that big a deal.
And I get fear too - I was raised with fear. Thankfully, by the time I needed to transition, I had dealt with my fears - "I do not want you to get hurt" was fairly debilitating throughout my youth and young adulthood. Dating = fear. Moving out of state = fear. Marriage = fear. Taking career risks = fear. Flying overseas = fear. Stepping into a hot air balloon = fear. Visiting NYC = fear. By the time I decided to transition, I guess I had enough practice dealing with fear that I could ignore the internal messages.
Getting back to the whole idea of suicide contagion, let's look back to the print version of the story:
Seems (to me) like a kid already struggling with depression and addiction, faced with a pretty daunting life project, decided to end it. But instead of facing that reality, we blame bullies - it took about 24 hours for this sad story to be spun into the flavor of the month, bullies did it.
What is really sad is (a) that, looking at her photo, she seemed to have nothing to fear. Really quite beautiful. And (b) her family and the media seems to have ensured that he will be remembered as the son they lost (photographs, names, etc.), not the daughter she was becoming.
Look, I want young people to stop killing themselves. But my fear (there's that word, again) is, that the more we honor and mourn these kids as helpless and powerless victims, following a logical pathway in response to external stimuli, the more they are going to follow that script.
*********************************************************************************************
A young transwoman killed herself recently. You can see a video from the local ABC affiliate here, and read a news story posted on a local news radio site, here.
The flavor of the month, from the GLBT community, is bullies, and this story drops right in there. I posted a few things on Helen Boyd's message board, My Husband Betty, and this has gotten me torqued up enough to repost out here in public, which I usually avoid, ironically because I fear a different sort of bullying, coming from within the queer blogosphere.
*******************************************************************************************
I watched the video. And nowhere in there did it say that Chloe was actually, you know, bullied. Over and over, the refrain was repeated....she FEARED being bullied.
"Overall, her peers accepted her for who she was....but she was still terrified of being bullied for coming out."
"She struggled with fears of harassment and abuse."
"Who wants to see a young man walking down the street with a dress on.....in his eyes that was the worse fear...."
"Her family said Chloe's death mirrors that of other teens who have committed suicide due to bullying...."
And some wisdom from step-dad "...that's what we are creating as a society, we are creating this incredible cloud of fear for these individuals..."
And going back to the print article:
"And while he wasn't outright bullied, Murphy says the pressure to fit into society grew increasingly heavy for Justin."
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself - apparently.
Look, I get bullying. I was not out as trans, but I was the smart kid, the nerdy kid, the unathletic kid who lived in fear for most of my youth. Fear in my case meant occasional incontinence - so you can imagine how popular I was when I was young. I guess I had the wrong roles models; it never entered my mind to kill myself. Or maybe I grew up so marginalized and used to being on the fringes that gender transition was not that big a deal.
And I get fear too - I was raised with fear. Thankfully, by the time I needed to transition, I had dealt with my fears - "I do not want you to get hurt" was fairly debilitating throughout my youth and young adulthood. Dating = fear. Moving out of state = fear. Marriage = fear. Taking career risks = fear. Flying overseas = fear. Stepping into a hot air balloon = fear. Visiting NYC = fear. By the time I decided to transition, I guess I had enough practice dealing with fear that I could ignore the internal messages.
Getting back to the whole idea of suicide contagion, let's look back to the print version of the story:
Dempsey says Justin "Chloe" medicated with marijuana, but that, unfortunately, fed the depression rather than eased it.
Following graduation from Buchanan High in 2009, Justin moved north to Eureka, where Dempsey says he found a close-knit circle of loving and acceptance and "was able to become more of 'Chloe'."
And the difference in perspective was remarkable when "Chloe" was able to express herself more freely. Dempsey says, "There was friendship, there was peace, there some happiness, and she loved that."
Justin slowly began to dress as "Chloe" while living in Eureka but lacked the confidence to do so outside the safety of home. Murphy says the process to fully transform into "Chloe", which could take 10 years or more, began to take its toll which became "really overwhelming" with regard to the already prevalent anxiety and depression.
So, Murphy proceeded to set up therapy sessions for "Chloe" but despite seeing several therapists, her outlook grew more grim. Murphy says she was completely hopeless "...like there is no way this is ever going to happen for me, so why am I here."
Seems (to me) like a kid already struggling with depression and addiction, faced with a pretty daunting life project, decided to end it. But instead of facing that reality, we blame bullies - it took about 24 hours for this sad story to be spun into the flavor of the month, bullies did it.
What is really sad is (a) that, looking at her photo, she seemed to have nothing to fear. Really quite beautiful. And (b) her family and the media seems to have ensured that he will be remembered as the son they lost (photographs, names, etc.), not the daughter she was becoming.
Look, I want young people to stop killing themselves. But my fear (there's that word, again) is, that the more we honor and mourn these kids as helpless and powerless victims, following a logical pathway in response to external stimuli, the more they are going to follow that script.
*********************************************************************************************
October 12, 2010
And another untimely death....
This in relation to a story about a 19 year old gay male who killed himself after attending a city council meeting, where a gay pride proclamation was approved. Gay Teen In Oklahoma Takes His Own Life. News story on the Dallas Voice, here. The city council meeting, all 4 hours, here.
A member of the community exhorted us to "...write about it on your blog or Facebook page...."
********************************************************************************************
Anyone actually sit through the 4 hours of council meeting, posted online?
I scrolled through, and seemed like there were a lot of folks in favor of the proclamation - it was far from an overwhelming shit-storm of hate. One of the comments on the linked Dallas Voice website notes:
24/40 = 60%; if 60% of our congress were in favor of ENDA or gay marriage or repealing DADT, those things would all be law.
It sucks that a young gay man chose to kill himself. But I personally believe that the media spotlight and canonization of these young people makes it MORE likely, not less, that the next suicide victim will choose death over life. If one is feeling particularly worthless or empty, knowing that one will find fame and purpose in death seems to me as good an incentive to die as any.
I've noted before the phenomena known as suicide clusters, and although these generally happen in a geographic area (a city or school), I see no reason in this connected society why they do not happen in subcultures rather than geographic communities. There is a lot of information out there about this issue, but some quotes from the piece linked above:
It's a pity this young man did not find a reason to celebrate 24 people standing up for the proclamation, to celebrate the city council approving the proclamation, and have a social network to go have celebratory pizza with and rip the haters apart.
So no, I will not blog or post to facebook or increase the media footprint of this sort of event. Because there is another GLBT youth sitting out there right now feeling unloved and unimportant, and that young person might just decide that, like this young man, he or she is worth more to the cause as a beloved martyr than as an obscure, lonely youth.
********************************************************************************************
Yeah, I know, I lied. I just blogged about it. But I do so in the hope that the community, the activists, the people working with queer youth stop turning these kids into martyrs, into saints, into beloved, admired, role models. We're making it easier for these kids to decide to pull the trigger, folks. As John Gorka once noted "...people love you, when they know you're leaving soon....." (Gypsy Life)
I do admire the It Gets Better project, started by Dan Savage and his partner, Terry. Because it does get better.
A member of the community exhorted us to "...write about it on your blog or Facebook page...."
********************************************************************************************
Anyone actually sit through the 4 hours of council meeting, posted online?
I scrolled through, and seemed like there were a lot of folks in favor of the proclamation - it was far from an overwhelming shit-storm of hate. One of the comments on the linked Dallas Voice website notes:
The council voted in favor of supporting this proclamation and 24 out of 40 citizens stood up and spoke in favor.
24/40 = 60%; if 60% of our congress were in favor of ENDA or gay marriage or repealing DADT, those things would all be law.
It sucks that a young gay man chose to kill himself. But I personally believe that the media spotlight and canonization of these young people makes it MORE likely, not less, that the next suicide victim will choose death over life. If one is feeling particularly worthless or empty, knowing that one will find fame and purpose in death seems to me as good an incentive to die as any.
I've noted before the phenomena known as suicide clusters, and although these generally happen in a geographic area (a city or school), I see no reason in this connected society why they do not happen in subcultures rather than geographic communities. There is a lot of information out there about this issue, but some quotes from the piece linked above:
"We know from studies that have looked at the impact of the media that there is something called the 'dose-response association.' So the size of the increase in suicides following a suicide story is proportional to the amount, and the duration, and the prominence of the coverage."
There are ways that the media can cover a suicide that can actually help mitigate the risk of additional suicides, says psychiatrist Paula Clayton, medical director of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, who regularly advises the media on how to report on a suicide. For example, they should report on the many complex factors that may have led up to the suicide and emphasize that 90 percent of people who kill themselves have mental health problems.
Clayton cautions, though, that using details about a suicide can increase the risk of suicide clustering. "Don't talk about the method, or show the place where the suicide occurred. And don't glorify it," she says.
It's a pity this young man did not find a reason to celebrate 24 people standing up for the proclamation, to celebrate the city council approving the proclamation, and have a social network to go have celebratory pizza with and rip the haters apart.
So no, I will not blog or post to facebook or increase the media footprint of this sort of event. Because there is another GLBT youth sitting out there right now feeling unloved and unimportant, and that young person might just decide that, like this young man, he or she is worth more to the cause as a beloved martyr than as an obscure, lonely youth.
********************************************************************************************
Yeah, I know, I lied. I just blogged about it. But I do so in the hope that the community, the activists, the people working with queer youth stop turning these kids into martyrs, into saints, into beloved, admired, role models. We're making it easier for these kids to decide to pull the trigger, folks. As John Gorka once noted "...people love you, when they know you're leaving soon....." (Gypsy Life)
I do admire the It Gets Better project, started by Dan Savage and his partner, Terry. Because it does get better.
October 11, 2010
Unfortunate Icongraphy
I've been watching (for reasons as yet unknown) Ken Burns' Civil War series on Netflix. The other night, watching the first episode (The Cause) I stumbled across two resonances with the present climate of political unrest.
An illustration of a southern protest, where "...Lincoln was burned in effigy...." is focused on a monument bearing a familiar flag.
A few minutes later in the episode, this quote, from the Charleston Mercury "The tea has been thrown overboard, the revolution of 1860 has been initiated."
Whatever one feels abut the Tea Party, I find it interesting (and somewhat unfortunate) that the iconography that has grown up around this movement is rooted (wittingly or not) in the images and language of the secessionist south.
An illustration of a southern protest, where "...Lincoln was burned in effigy...." is focused on a monument bearing a familiar flag.
A few minutes later in the episode, this quote, from the Charleston Mercury "The tea has been thrown overboard, the revolution of 1860 has been initiated."
Whatever one feels abut the Tea Party, I find it interesting (and somewhat unfortunate) that the iconography that has grown up around this movement is rooted (wittingly or not) in the images and language of the secessionist south.
April 03, 2010
Suicide by Death Penalty
Steven Hayes, 1/2 of the criminal duo who are alleged to have killed the Petit family, wants to change his plea to guilty, and to follow the inevitable legal process towards life imprisonment or death. This change of plea seems to have thrown all involved into chaos - with defense attorneys (anti-death penalty zealots) vowing to fight his plea, the prosecution, gearing up for a court fight suddenly left hanging. Dr. Petit has noted this as "...a moment of honesty..."
Coming on the heels of a prison suicide attempt, perhaps Hayes simply wants to end the torment of a sad and misspent life. Not sure there is repentence here, it seems more a "sick and tired" response. And to some extent, those involved seem steeled to take this legal battle to the end, and having the accused turn around and surrender to a guilty plea seems unsatisfying.
I dunno how I feel about this. In some ways, no legal process, no verdict, no punishment will ever provide healing. But I suppose there is something satisfying of the pursuit, of chasing a protesting criminal to the end of the legal process and depriving another human being of life against his will - an eye for an eye. But to have the criminal let go and surrender, to giv eup on life willingly - a lot different energy there, and perhaps ironically a way that will leave wounds open and festering in a way that a protracted court battle would not.
Steven Hayes - a twisted, evil, damaged soul who just wants to get off the planet and end this misery? An individual who has come to realize the scope of his deeds and feels remorse? Or a truly evil SOB who has found one last way to torment Dr. Petit, by taking away his enemy?
Coming on the heels of a prison suicide attempt, perhaps Hayes simply wants to end the torment of a sad and misspent life. Not sure there is repentence here, it seems more a "sick and tired" response. And to some extent, those involved seem steeled to take this legal battle to the end, and having the accused turn around and surrender to a guilty plea seems unsatisfying.
I dunno how I feel about this. In some ways, no legal process, no verdict, no punishment will ever provide healing. But I suppose there is something satisfying of the pursuit, of chasing a protesting criminal to the end of the legal process and depriving another human being of life against his will - an eye for an eye. But to have the criminal let go and surrender, to giv eup on life willingly - a lot different energy there, and perhaps ironically a way that will leave wounds open and festering in a way that a protracted court battle would not.
Steven Hayes - a twisted, evil, damaged soul who just wants to get off the planet and end this misery? An individual who has come to realize the scope of his deeds and feels remorse? Or a truly evil SOB who has found one last way to torment Dr. Petit, by taking away his enemy?
February 25, 2010
Tomboys
I've always had a thing for Tomboys. My high school and college crushes (inevitably unrequited) were for the jockettes - field hockey, tennis, track, crew, rugby. There is something about a strong and not quite so gender conforming woman that makes my heart skip a beat.
So needless to say, the Vancouver Olympics is fertile ground for renewing my mad crush skills.
Figure skating / ice dancing? Bleah. Unless the female cognate of Johnny Weir shows up - KD Lang on blades of glory, I'm not interested. And the classic winter skiing sports (downhill, etc.) are also a bit too mainstream to be of much interest.
But bobsled and luge, yeah. Curling. Snowboard and ski-cross (even Shaun White is kinda cute in a Tomboy kinda way). Speed-skating. Biathlon.
SO I have to admit that I've been watching the Olympics not just for the sport and spectacle. But kind of mildly crushing out on the athletes. Kind of an interesting insight.
January 24, 2010
The Boozehounds Win
Unruly passenger forces united jet to divert to DIA
Will a plane door even open at altitude? One might hope for interlocks or something. But if this guy could get the door open, one imagines that such a catastrophic decompression at altitude might bring a plane down as easily as the xmas bomber's underwear.
So, I propose that the TSA / FAA:
a) Hereby ban alcohol on flights
b) Run a breathalyzer on all passengers and deny boarding to those who blow over 0.08 or someting.
Cause I suspect we'd be a lot safer in the air without drunks than we would be adding additional screening....just a hunch.
The man had consumed alcohol before and during the flight, said Kathy Wright, an FBI spokeswoman. After questioning at DIA, the suspect was sent for a medical evaluation.
Will a plane door even open at altitude? One might hope for interlocks or something. But if this guy could get the door open, one imagines that such a catastrophic decompression at altitude might bring a plane down as easily as the xmas bomber's underwear.
So, I propose that the TSA / FAA:
a) Hereby ban alcohol on flights
b) Run a breathalyzer on all passengers and deny boarding to those who blow over 0.08 or someting.
Cause I suspect we'd be a lot safer in the air without drunks than we would be adding additional screening....just a hunch.
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