The week leading up to the xmas holiday is always an odd time. I've commented before about not being all that resonant with this particular holiday - the decorations remain in the attic this year; I ventured up there for the ribbons and boxes and bows. But really, the holiday is noteworthy for the clutter that cards, a busy schedule, and gifts in various stages of being wrapped have birthed.
MYA and I connected yesterday - she was gifted with a couple of retail cards so we went shopping first to TJ Maxx and then to Target. She scored on the shoes (although I'd love to see her get something that might actually work in the snow) - then we traveled east to Pho Boston on New Britain Avenue - I've been hankering for their tofu pho (C3 ont eh menu) since watching a yoga friend eat a bowl recently. It was good, but Zippy got an MSG headache and yeah, I felt the same sort of buzz, just not debilitating. Not sure how the yoga folks (usually pretty pure and holy, food wise) are OK with the MSG. Not sure you can ask for no MSG for Pho the way you can with more solid asian food.....still, it was a good meal.
Kirtan on Friday was pretty great - a lot of energy, a lot of people. I did *not* get to burn my Shiv papers - stuff I am letting go, stuff I wish to manifest - since the fire had burned out by the time we got there. I have a small burning bowl I got this past year, maybe I can break it in this week; before the year turns over. Per usual, a few of my yoga friends were in the crowd who had not realized I play guitar - so that's always interesting. Woman of many talents, and mystery - that's me.
Monday, I work at the studio in the morning (I volunteered to take an abandoned shift - since the xmas holidays are pretty low key for me, and I am local) - probably heading up north to see the family in the afternoon. Zippy is not coming along - uncomfortable with the family gifting, uncomfortable with the tenuous state of our relationship. A "churn up my insides" moment - I will feel weird being alone, I will feel guilty for leaving Zippy alone and with the dogs. I remains conflicted about our relationship - wanting to reach back and work on it, but cogniscient that it is what it is, and that Zippy will never really become the creature of light that I might wish for.
In any case, if I do get up there early, I may go to church with my mom and brothers. Always an awkward experience. I grew up in the church, my ability to play 3 hours of kirtan chants was honed and tempered at folk mass, especially xmas eve mass with a full church and an extra long communion. Sing all the verses. Twice. In any case, it's hard to go to a church that on some level considers me "intrinsically flawed" and an abomination. Many paths up the mountain, and all that, and I am not willing to turn my back on an expression of the divine, but it's painful. And I will not partake in communion (feeling not very welcomed) and I am sure that will cause a small heartbreak for mom.
Maybe I'll just skip church......
In the meantime, it's Sunday morning. My 8:30 a.m. hot class looms - as close to weekly worship as I get. And a day to clean, to launder, to catch up a bit.
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