Xmas morning here. Up at my mom's in MA, and I awoke from a very vivid and remembered dream. Need to get it down and out of my system.
In the dream, I am subbing a yoga class for my teacher and mentor Barb, who owns my studio. The class is up in Boston (for some reason, she does not teach in Boston in real life) at a place I've never been to. And the class is oddly spread across 3 very large spaces on two levels (almost like a high loft, so its all open) - so to teach the class, I am constantly walking back and forth between studios as well as up and down stairs.
I have no headset or sound system so I am trying to be heard across all the spaces (not very successfully). Each studio has it's own sound system / stereo, and students have turned these on to a different CD in each space. So I am fighting that as well. And finally, the students in each space are set up in a large circle (not mat to mat as in a normal class).
So I teach the class(es), and it's going really poorly - I teach one room and as I walk to the next room they are doing something different. For some reason, something I am saying (not exactly sure what) is interpreted by the students to mean some completely unexpected (and unknown to me) dance that they all seem to know and do in sync, and I cannot figure out what posture or sanskrit word is triggering this. At one point, the students are complaining about the heat (Barb historically works with a very hot room), and we stop the class and get everyone who wants it cooler to go to the lower level (where it's cooler) and the rest to stay on the upper level; I also am running around closing windows (it's an old building, lot of those horizontal tilt out windows) which the students have opened when I am not in eyeshot.
Well, I look up and it's close to 8 pm (class started at 6) and I've barely gotten through a sun salutation, never got to savasana, so the class just ends. I call the students over and they are all surrounding me and I announce that they've just experienced "the worst yoga class I've ever taught, in fact the worst yoga class I've every witnessed" and they all break out into applause (presumably for me being honest and facing it). I kind of go through the circumstances with them (about the multi levels, the sound systems, the lack of a PA, etc.) but pretty much cop to being unprepared and unable to hold the space. I tell them they've earned karma points (payable by me) for sticking it out. A few of them stick around to brainstorm ways to make things better (like having a headset that plays on all the stereo's, and having one CD playing in all the studios).
As the dream ends, I am walking through the streets of Boston, calling Barb up on my cell phone to tell her how badly I messed up and asking advice regarding if / how I should talk to the owners of the studio in Boston.
So what does it mean?
I'm in the middle of a yoga teaching lull - I've been teaching 3 classes down at the studio but one has been cancelled (only getting a few students), and my Friday noon class is gone for 12/25 and 1/1. Meanwhile my Bristol Adult Ed class is off until the 2nd week in Jan. So I am down to one class a week for a few weeks. Am I recognizing some teaching burnout? Am I questioning my commitment to teaching? Or perhaps my qualifications to teach? Am I getting sloppy or unprepared for classes?
I am, at the same time, struggling to put together all the paperwork for my yoga teacher certification - due by year end. It's not really all that hard - a bunch of book reports (all but one already written) and class critiques (already completed) and some photocopying of class sequences and hunting down of some class sign-ins / rosters from my free teaching. Get it all assembled into a binder or booklet. Not exactly an insurmountable project, yet I have been procrastinating about it.
And I am also looking at a new endeavour - playing bass with an up til now folk/rock duo. Am I concerned about spreading myself too thin?
Lots to chew on. Just wanted to get it all down before I dropped back into sleep and forgot it all!