March 02, 2010

Melt Down

It came out of nowhere. I hit the mat this morning with Nykki....after subbing last night's Core Ab class. Did not really feel out of sorts - had a little headache (highly unusual) last night which I put down to dinner (baked cod) and I have been craving the mattress and covers each morning; I've probably been staying up too late. But all in all...I did not feel particularly good or bad walking into the studio.

But as soon as we started our asana practice, this overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me. I struggled with it for a few minutes before giving in - stepping off my mat to find a box of tissues. For the next 60 minutes, I practiced yoga with tears welling up in my eyes, rolling down my cheeks, and dropping onto my mat. By the time practice was over - a pile of tissues from dabbing my eyes and blowing my nose. In short - I lost it on the mat.

Not 100% sure what it is all about. Certainly, there are places in my life touched by sadness - loneliness, both in general and lacking a relationship. Getting older, feeling the mortality of this body. Perhaps even related to the change of seasons. I suspect my walk round the reservoir had something to do with it - spotlighting each of these (I walked alone, my body felt a little sore and stiff this morning, and it did put me in touch with the seasons).

And yet, there is also the possibility that I am dragging up some deep pain - between my losing weight and practicing, plenty of opportunity to draw out some pain from within my body, releasing the combination of chemistry and hormones that spell S-A-D.

After class, I wandered off alone. It was a beautiful pre-spring morning, bright sun, warming air. My sadness slowly cleared as the day went on, although still some little bits resonate.

Yoga. Freaking yoga. So damn beautiful, so deep and powerful. Just breath and postures, so simple - hard to imagine it turning the key to deep emotional, psychological, and spiritual work. And yet it does.....

3 comments:

Anne said...

In difficult times, when doing yoga and always, I remember the words of a yoga teacher, teaching the triangle-- "Feel the foundation of support you have created for yourself" I hope too you can welcome the sad feelings, let them move through you, and you'll feel better soon.

sandy shoes said...

In a yoga class once (not an advanced one, mind, far from it) I suddenly had tears streaming down my face and found myself saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." in my head, with no clue why. Just breath and postures, but strange stuff indeed.

These days -- could I ever use some sunshine.

Terrence said...

The triangle. An old journalism professor of mine was always saying, " The trinity is always with us." Things come in threes. The Triangle. Yes. You will feel better. Soon.