September 03, 2007

More about a MAJOR LIFE DECISION

We've been working up to this separate bedroom thing for a while. It makes a lot of sense, in a couple of different vectors.

One theme is around noise, clutter, chaos, and disorganization. I *thrive* on it! I work with talk radio (NPR mostly, with some leftist AM thrown in when available) buzzing int he background, I am not happy unless I have multiple projects running, I am almost never one to clean up my mess before I start the next one. Every so often the chaos builds up to the point where its debilitating, and I step back and clean, organize, purge, or whatever. But mostly, I am happy bouncing from thing to thing. I described it in therapy like a scene from the Spiderman 3 trailer (not that I've seen the movie) where the webslinger jumps from one piece of falling debris to another, moving towards his goal. That's my life. Probably seems like chaos from most perspectives, but from the right point of view - poetry!

And well, Zippy is not that kind of person. The Zipster likes calm and quiet - thumping car stereos irritate. As do ice cream trucks, motorized scooters, parties that spill outdoors - pretty much the summer urban landscape. Zippy's serenity extends to the house as well - liking things neat and organized - not fanatically clean, but not chaotic or messy either. So, as we shared the master bedroom, my side of the room was a constant irritant in the Zipster's psyche. In therapy, I began to see how the regular rhythms of my life were a drumbeat of annoyance for the Zipster.

On the other side of things, we've been struggling with the intimate parts of our lives. And while we are not shutting the door on those things, I've felt spurned too often, and felt like our mutual bed was a place of animosity and rejection. I need affection and intimacy, I have not been getting it, and my seeking it is has escalated our problems. So having a separate space means I have a place to recharge and refresh where I am not feeling like crap about myself. Tack in some recent discoveries (on my part) regarding polygamy and monogamy - I've always purported to be happily polygamous, but really, I'm a lot happier in a monogamous relationship, and Zippy is in a place of discovery and change that means I get hurt (if he explores), or he is left unfulfilled (if he remains monogamous with me). And while that's not changing, its easier to protect myself with a bit more space between us.

That being said, we're roommates with privileges. So I imagine we'll share our beds from time to time....

Other minor things - Zippy needs more sleep than I do, so when I come home late or wake early I disrupt sleep. Zippy likes a blowing fan in the summer; I get back and neck aches.

And finally, as I have been setting up my room, it strikes me that I have not really had my own space in years. I moved in with the Zipster in 2000. I moved into a house fully decorated with art - so I have interjected my personal stuff in the cracks - but have not really created my own space - colors, objects, art, passions. And it need not be said that I am a very different person in 2007 than I was in 2000 when I left my house in Waterbury. So its nice to have one room that is 100% me.....where I can put up yoga posters or curtains or whatever.....

So, its not such a bad thing. I think I'm gonna be a lot less irksome to the Zipster. I think we will be able to coexist more gently with each other. And we're still a team, and still in love.....

Unconventional, we have always been. And will, I imagine, remain.....

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