Weekends have been hard for me for a long while. It comes down to a block of time with not a lot of structure, a vague expectation that I should be doing something, the curse of the self employed in that I rarely have a list of undone errands or chores for the weekend, and a realization that I just do not have a large diversity or number of friends.
The periodic weekend angst erupted last night; I had stopped by the local community center and bought some tickets to the fund-raiser cabaret. I am generally kind of "iffy" on community things but decided it would have been a good show of support and maybe meet some folks. But the Zipster was sick / tired (drugs from her early week procedure) and taking it wasy since she is heading down to NY to help her mom out on Saturday. So she did not want to go and I really did not want to go solo. After dinner I took a nap, then when Zippy woke me up around 7 I was sullen and uncommunicative for a while as I banged through laundry and dishes and small chores.
I think the episode is over; today dawns brighter and busier with Jazzercise this morning, a support group this afternoon if I choose to go, a balloon community party this evening. And the opportunity to start moving stuff into my office, if I have use of the zipster's truck.
Fairly sure I know what the angst is about. I have this sort of vague "in a perfect world" vision of intelligent, progressive, and social friends dropping by, visiting, meeting for dinner or drinks or coffee or a movie. But I've been between communities for so long that many have dropped by the wayside; in some ways I am so demanding and idealistic that most fall short, or I do not take the time to invest in a particular community or social circle for connections to deepen. I have lots and lots of contacts but not so many friends - just a few good and close ones who happen to be out of town at the moment (and who, while initially my contacts, are close because of Zippy's interaction - I am sort of tangential)
Every so often I toss out a call to the universe - so here we go again. If you have any local queerish, progressive, artsy, healthish men or women hanging out looking for friendship and connection - send 'em my way or make our paths cross. I'll keep my eye open for 'em, OK, and I am sure I can lure them into friendship once I know they are out there.